


Our Sweetest Memorial

by messofgorgeouschaos



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Regency, Getting Back Together, Hate to Love, M/M, Mpreg Harry, Regency, Slow Burn, also harry is sad and dramatic, because it's what harry would want, if you've read Persuasion you know how this goes, well I wouldn't say hate more like a lot of resentment, why is there no exes to lovers tag, with some flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-07-30 00:17:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 34,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16275296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messofgorgeouschaos/pseuds/messofgorgeouschaos
Summary: Ever since Harry was forced to break off an engagement five years ago, he resolved to never marry for the remainder of his life. Now his family must move out of his beloved Kellynch Hall to recover some of their debts that their father had accumulated. The last thing Harry expected was for the new tenants to be related to his former fiancee. And for that fiancee to come back to Somersetshire a much more wealthy man that still holds resentment for their past. A Persuasion AU.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ: 
> 
> There is some hanky panky going on in flashbacks when they are 17/19 years of age. If that's not your thing, then simply skip over them as they are in italics. 
> 
> I want to thank Sada and Ivy for keeping me sane throughout this and for listening to me whine whenever I needed haha
> 
> Title comes from "The First Kiss of Love" by Lord Byron. Story is based on Jane Austen's Persuasion, published in 1817. Please do not repost this anywhere else, as I only post my work here on ao3.

 

Sir Walter of Kellynch Hall, in Somersetshire, was a proud man. Proud of his title, proud of his looks, and most of all proud of his lineage. One could always find him remarking about it whenever he was given the chance.

One of his favorite past times, as Harry realized, was sitting at his log book documenting how prestigious their lineage was, as if a happenstance of birth was the most important part of a person. Even though he was a baronet, he took pride in the title, and paraded it around as a sign he was not like the lower class. If one opened his book, they would find the names of three sons under his name: Niall, Zayn and Harry. They all had different mothers, but their father was the same, and it’s not something that they were very much proud of despite how pleased Sir Walter was of it. Unfortunately for the baronet, his sons were all carriers. An ancient law forbids carriers from inheriting land, and the only land they could have in their name was of their partners once they married. Sir Walter gave up on producing any more heirs after Harry was born – “I despise children! Why have more?” -  and instead decided to focus on living his luxurious lifestyle of waste. But without moderation and economy in their home, Sir Walter found himself in debts so deep they could not be ignored.

And that’s what brought this emergency meeting in their large sitting room, Harry rushing through the halls as he was told last minute. His father’s lavish spending and proud character was at the fault of their debt, and he thinks it will be a very long time before they are ever paid off. He remembers a time when his father’s want of a high birth had cost him something dear to his life, and it still hangs heavy in his heart.

He shook away any feelings from his head as he opened the doors to the sitting room, excusing himself for his lateness. His father was standing near the window, his back straight and head held high, looking out into nature as if they had offended him for existing. His accountant, Mr. Azoff, was sitting at a large desk with a number of papers spread out over it. Lord Corden, a friend of the family of many years, was bent over the desk carefully examining each paper.

Harry sighed as he quickly walked over to an empty seat, hoping no more attention would be paid to him. Niall was sitting by the fire, already looking bored from whatever the conversation was about, sipping away at his tea. His friend, Jefferey, was sitting opposite him in another chair, looking equally unamused. Their faces lit up as they saw Harry approach and take a seat next to them.

“Where were you?” Niall hissed. “I am not about to suffer through his tantrums without you!”

“Sorry. I was in the attic,” Harry whispered as he made himself a cup of tea from the nearby table, “organizing a few things when Alice came to tell me there was a meeting that was arranged at the last minute taking place right then! So I rushed down as fast as I could. Have I missed anything?”

Jefferey shrugged. “Your father is in no mood to hear that he is in debt and needs to stop his unnecessary spending.”

“That is nothing out of the ordinary,” Harry murmured as he watched Lord Corden walk to the window and hand his father a small piece of paper.

“What is the meaning of this?” Sir Walter screeched as he looked over the parchment with a deep frown.

Harry looked up from his tea cup, waiting for the fit to be over soon. Even if he had just arrived a moment ago, he could tell this was going to be a very long conversation. He wishes Alice never found him.

“Cut back on servants, not refurbish the main dining rooms, pay the workers, and lease Kellynch?” Sir Walter gasped. “Have you lost your mind, sir?  To a sailor of all people?”

Lord Corden let out a sigh. “I’m sorry Sir Walter, but you need to reconsider. There is barely any money left and you there is no other option. To go live in another, smaller house would help you recover your debts while the lease of Kellynch would already help pay for some.”

“Your debts are exceeding, Sir Walter.” Mr. Azoff pointed out. “Having a sailor, a distinguished sailor I might add, would be a most desirable tenant.”

“I strongly object to the navy,” Sir Walter sneered. “It brings men of obscure birth into undue distinction. And have you not seen how the sun weathers their skin? They look like leathered sacks of potatoes walking down the streets! I would rather die than to be seen walking with one of them.”

Harry looked over to find Niall, as expected, rolling his eyes. He tried to hide his smirk as he blew on his tea, remembering how a few weeks ago his brother had brought a navy man into his bed. He _certainly_ took no offense to the navy. He thanked a higher being that his room was nowhere near Niall’s on that certain night. Like himself, and Zayn for that matter, Niall had no quarrels with people of other classes. They made frequent friends with others of all backgrounds, not caring where they came from.

“Why focus on how they look when they are still able to pay?” Mr. Azoff said. “It’s not as if we would be leasing to a simple sailor.”

“Who exactly are you considering for a tenant, Mr. Azoff? How is he _not_ a simple sailor?”

“An Admiral Croft, your grace. Since the war with Bonaparte is over, he has returned to England and looks to settle down in the country somewhere. Him and his wife are looking for a place to lease for the time being, and they have stated their interest in Kellynch Hall if it is available. They also have no children of their own, and you must know, Sir Walter, a woman with no children is the best preserver of furniture! Your home would be in the most capable hands.”

“I suppose,” Sir Walter grumbled, turning his head to look out the window again.

“And for that matter, his wife is actually well connected within this part of the county. She has a brother who lived among us once, a gentleman,” Mr. Azoff paused. “But I can’t recall his name. A nice fellow I do believe.”

Niall eyed Harry, who was looking back at him with a sadness in his eyes. His heart rate had risen since the first mention of the name “Croft”, for he knew it too well in relation to another person that would have long forgotten him by now.

“He lived among us?” Sir Walter scoffed.

Harry’s eyes grew wide.

“Yes, but I cannot recall his name,” he turned towards the seats. “Harry, you always know everyone. Do you remember?”

Harry looked over at Niall, who was slowly shaking his head, as if to tell him not to answer. He couldn’t.

“Tomlin-Tomlinson,” Harry answered, staring down at his full tea cup. “Tomlinson was his name. Edward Tomlinson.”

“Ah thank you Harry! Yes, it was Tomlinson. He had the curacy some time ago.”

“Tomlinson the curate? You mislead me with the term ‘gentleman’, Azoff. Curates are nobody of importance.”

“The Tomlinsons are still a respectable family as the Paynes from Uppercross are,” Lord Corden said, “and if his sister is the wife of a very respected Admiral, I would say Kellynch would be in the best hands.”

“I suppose,” Sir Walter grumbled again, sitting with a huff on a chair, still facing the window and not bothering to look at them.

Harry let out a sigh. They might have mentioned his family, but not him. It seems his father had thoroughly forgotten what happened all those years ago. He wishes he could say the same for himself.

“Didn’t he have another brother?” Jefferey said aloud, not looking up while he picked at the tart in his plate. “Wasn’t it-“

Niall grabbed a scone and tossed it as his head, frowning wildly as the other looked offended.

“What was that for?” he mouthed. Niall pointed at his brother, whose shoulders were now slumped defeat, glazing into the fire, his face clearly fallen.

Jeff’s eyes widened in realization, hoping the father didn’t hear.

“What did you say son?” Mr. Azoff grumbled as he flipped through more papers.

“Nothing of importance,” he said in a high voice. Harry desperately tried to blink away the tears that were forming by his eyes, even taking Niall’s handkerchief when he offered it.

Sir Walter stood from his seat and turned to face them, looking as if he was in deep thought. “I have made my decision. We shall lease Kellynch Hall to this sailor and his family. And we shall move to our new home after Michaelmas. You may proceed with the treaty, Mr. Azoff. Draft it and I shall have Lord Corden look it over when it is final. I expect to meet the Admiral once, and after that I do not wish to interact with him any further. We should all be ready to leave in the next few weeks,” he turned towards his sons on the sofa. “Understood?”

They both nodded.

“Then you are free to go boys.”

Harry fled from the room as fast as he could.

 

***

“I thought I’d find you here,” Niall said as he sat down on the grass.

Harry never tells anyone where he goes off to, but Niall usually knew where to find him. The oak at the end of the grazing field was the only place he could cry in peace, where the fresh memories of the name would best be placed after being dug up from so long ago.

“Sorry,” Harry sniffled. “It’s been so long since I heard that name said aloud. I didn’t think I’d-” he hiccupped before rubbing his nose, “I’d be the one to say it.”

“I understand, Harry. I understand. At least no one seemed to remember… his brother.”

“Father long seemed to have forgotten him,” Harry sniffed. “Which is not surprising in the least.”

“I know you haven’t,” he said softly. “But I thought you should know Father decided to take us to Bath instead of another house in Somersetshire. He wants to still live like a baronet, and Lord Corden convinced him that Bath was the most congenial place to be. And when Mr. Azoff said he could still afford to rent a house in Royal Crescent, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s packing his bags as we speak.”

“I do detest Bath,” Harry said. “Nothing amusing, no one there.”

“Lord Corden said there are recitals, concerts, showings of every type almost every week. I’m sure you can find something to keep yourself occupied.”

“There’s nothing there for me,” he sighed, “everyone is more interested in going to gatherings and card playing, when I would rather stay in and read a book of verse.”

“You could always visit your friends from school. Do not some of them live there?”

“I guess I could,” Harry mumbled as he played with a twig near his foot.  

“I did have one idea that might make this better for your sake,” he coughed before continuing. “Zayn did mention in his last letter that he would like to see us before the winter. Why don’t you go visit him while we go straight to Bath?”

Harry’s eyes brightened. “You think our father would allow it?”

Niall waved his hand. “I can convince him of anything. If that’s what you want?”

Harry thought for a moment. Zayn married into the Payne family, a respectable farming family that lived about three miles from Kellynch. Sir Walter thought them beneath him, even if they did have some wealth to their names, but he wanted his sons married off as soon as possible so he wouldn’t have to deal with them any longer and he easily agreed to their marriage. Liam and Zayn had been friends in infancy, playing together in the gardens or running off to wander the forests. Harry and Niall would sometimes play with them, but they both noticed that there was much more than a friendship bonding their brother and the farmer’s son. They gave them their space, and once Zayn was of marrying age, Liam confessed his love and asked for his hand. In jest that had said they would marry someday, especially after they found out Zayn was a carrier, and it proved to be true. And within a year into their marriage they had a beautiful little girl, Rachel, and two years later another girl was born, Anne. Harry adored his visits even more once they came along, and they affectionately called him “Uncle Harru”, since neither was able to say his name right at a young age. The name still stuck as they got older, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Yes. It would be good to visit The Paynes one more time before he heads to Bath. It would at least take his mind off… certain things.

“I’ll go visit Zayn. I’d prefer that than go straight to Bath. It has been a while since I’ve seen the girls, and I think the change of scenery would do me well.”

“Then that’s what we’ll plan for,” he said. They sat in silence as Harry watched the way the flowers danced in the soft breeze, a few toasted leaves gliding over the grass. How he wished to be as free as them, not having a care in the world. Not having to worry about your heart.

“Have you thought about him? All this time?”

Harry took a deep breath. “If I’m being honest, Niall, there hasn’t been a day where he hasn’t been at the back of my mind. I believe he is a captain of the navy now. But if I have to see him again, I’m going to be reminded of losing him all over again. And I don’t know if my heart will be able to take it.”

“I’ll be here for you,” he said softly. “Zayn and Liam will be taking care of you as well. They’ll help you avoid him as much as possible.”

“I can only hope,” he said with a sigh. “I’ll try to leave before the Crofts arrive. Even his sister might bring back memories that I didn’t even know I had.”

“Do you think she knows about what happened?”

“It’s possible. She was in the West Indies when it did, and he did say he was very close with her, always writing her letters and such. I would be surprised if she didn’t know about our… unfortunate situation.”

“I see. Well you’ll cross that bridge when you get to it, Harry,” Niall said as he stood up. “No use in worrying yourself over the inevitable. Let’s go see if cook needs any help with supper, alright?”

Harry looked up as saw Niall holding out his hand to take, and a smile grew on his face. He loved both of his brothers dearly, and they each had their qualities that made them special. Niall happened to be his partner in crime, always willing to do the most naughty things while Zayn would stand in the corner and shake his head. Like replacing the salt with the sugar in the cook’s pantry, ruining their father’s favorite soup once they were instructed to cook it. And Niall never liked to see Harry sad, and even after they were well into adulthood, much hasn’t changed. Harry hopes it never does.

***

Once he was back in his room, Harry decided it was time to turn in for bed. He changed into his night gown, making sure his long curls were brushed thoroughly as he sat in front of his vanity mirror. Harry heard a knock on his door as he finished folding a shirt.

“Come in,” he called out, putting it away in a drawer.

“Harry? Are you decent?” Lord Corden said as he peeked his head out from behind the door.

“I am,” he said as he put on his robe. “Do you need something, Lord Corden?”

“I’ve come to say my goodbyes before I leave for Bath. I will be staying there for the remainder of the season, so I shall see your family there once they arrive. I was informed you are not to come until after the Christmas season?”

Harry nodded. “That is the plan. By January I shall be permanently in Bath with the rest of my family.”

“I see. Well I must say, it saddens me that your family must separate like this. Brothers not in the same town, one going one way and another going another. Family should always be together.”

“It’s alright, Lord Corden,” Harry sighed. “I do detest Bath. Niall knew I didn’t want to go, so he helped plan my stay with Zayn and his family. Spending time with my nieces would do me well.”

“Even if we must be separated, I am content where you feel the happiest, and if that is Uppercross, I shall be patiently waiting for your arrival in Bath.”

“Thank you, Lord Corden,” he said with a smile. Sometimes, especially when they were young and hiding in bed together, Harry and his brothers would secretly wish that Lord Corden was their father and not Sir Walter. He was always supportive of their ventures, whether it was playing a new instrument – especially Harry when he was determined to learn to play the piano forte – or in their love lives – he strongly supported the marriage between Zayn and Liam- and he never gave them a doubt of his genuine love for them. They might have had more money with their father, but they felt their household would have had more warmth had Lord Corden been their father instead.

“And there was something on my mind, from earlier,” Lord Corden coughed. “Are you quite okay with his sister staying here?”

“I have resigned myself to it,” he sighed. “It’s not as if many people know what happened between us. It’s just that sometimes…” he left off as he sat down on his bed. “Sometimes I feel like I should have done something. Should have fought. Should have not been so easily persuaded.”

Lord Corden sighed. “You know I wanted you to be happy. I truly did. I would have wanted you to marry him but your father would not have it. Stupid fool he is. He wanted him to have money, which he didn’t.”

“I should be married by now,” Harry whispered, his eyes still fixed on the carpet in front of them, noticing the faded bits of it. “I could have been.”

“You can’t change your family, Harry,” James said as he stood up with a sigh. “I’ve known your father for many years now, and there is no chance he will ever change.”

“I know,” Harry said. He still wishes there was a possibility.

“I won’t be able to visit Zayn as I am going straight to Bath tomorrow,” he said as he stood up,  “so please send him and Liam my best regards. I look forward to seeing you after Christmas and be sure to write to me when you have the chance. Have a good night, Harry,” he said with a smile before closing the door behind him.

Harry yawned as he realized how tired his body felt, and quickly nestled into the covers, his cheek pressed against the cold feathered stuffed pillow beneath him.

Captain Tomlinson.

He never thought he would hear that name again. The name of the man who stole his heart, and in return he had to break his own. His sailor.

His mind wandered to the time when they first met, when the snow was still fresh on the fields and Harry was walking home from one of the houses in the parish. He was visiting a recent widow and had spent the time baking with her to cheer her up. He remembered how earlier that morning, there was a light layer of snow on the ground - nothing to worry himself over - but by the time he was walking home there was at least a foot of snow on the ground, and he hated himself for not wearing heavier boots.

_“Curses,” he muttered as his foot went deeper into the snow. Just his luck really. He could already feel the cold dampness soaking to his feet. As he left the Anderson residence, he picked up a rather large stick that he thought would be useful for walking and keeping his balance. Now it wasn’t that much help._

_“Can I help you?”_

_Harry yelped and stepped forward, turning around and using his stick as a weapon while aiming it at the stranger. He was sure he was going to be robbed, expecting to see a knife pointed at him. Instead, he found a man with soft eyes looking back at him, his hands put up in defense, holding nothing. He had the bluest eyes Harry had ever seen, and Harry suddenly wanted to stare at them for the rest of the day, damn his boots. And his cheekbones, he wanted to run his finger over them to see if they would cut him with their sharpness._

_Apparently, the silence was too much, so the stranger cocked an eyebrow up and began to speak. “Are you sure you’re alright?”_

_Harry blushed a bit, and he didn’t even know why. The cold must be getting to him._

_“You scared me!” he breathed out, still holding the stick in between them._

_“I’m sorry,” he said, sounding sincere. “But I saw you struggling and wondered if you needed any help. I could carry your basket?”_

_Why was this man being so helpful? Harry knew everyone who lived on the estate, so this stranger was no resident of the houses. Harry narrowed his eyes. “But who might you be? You’re not from around here. I’ve never seen you before.”_

_The man smiled as he lowered his hands. “I live with my brother and his family near the church. My brother is the curate. I only just moved here, actually. Second day here. Our mother has many mouths to feed, so she decided it was time for me to earn a decent living and move out. My brother offered to house me for a bit, until I enlist for the navy.”_

_It was a lot to take in at once. Not only did this man have a lovely speaking voice, but he was actually a neighbor of Harry’s now. His brother was the curate. Tomlinson was their last name if he remembered correctly. Yes, Tomlinson. His handsome man was a Tomlinson then._

_“The navy? You plan to be a sailor?”_

_Louis smiled wider as he looked to the ground, kicking away a few of the twigs with his worn brown boots. “I come from a humble background, sir. Don’t have a title or land like the people who own this parish do, with everything just handed to them, so I have to find a way to make a living for myself.”_

_“My father owns the parish,” he coughed._

_The man’s eyes widened. “I didn’t mean offense, sir-”_

_Harry made a face as he shook his head. “None taken. I admire your ambition, but please do not refer to me as ‘sir’. ‘Harry’ will suffice.”_

_“Harry?” he repeated, the man in question already adoring how his name sounded on his lips._

_“Yes,” he breathed out happily. “That’s my name.”_

_“Harry,” he said again. “My name is Louis.”_

_“Louis,” he replied, feeling himself grinning like a fool._

_Louis ended up carrying his basket as they walked back to the house together, and Harry invited him in for some tea. It was the start of the greatest and only love Harry would ever know._

“Louis,” he whispered into the cold air, the old wounds in his heart opening at the name being said aloud after so long.

A tear rolled down his cheek, speeding up as he blinked and sniffled once again, disappearing into the pillow. How he wishes he could go back to that time. A simpler time when he could still see that smile wherever he went. He tried to fall asleep, but the image of those blue eyes was all he could see when he closed his own.

***

“You’re going to visit your brother in Uppercross, Harry,” Sir Walter said as he placed a grape in his mouth one morning. Their departure was only a few days away. “I don’t see the need for you in Bath if I have Niall. You’re much more suited for Uppercross before you damper the mood on our holiday.”

“Yes, father,” Harry said as he took a small bite from his food. Good to know he took Niall’s advice, and for once, he didn’t mind taking his father’s orders. The Payne’s cottage sat in a quaint little town, and he was already looking forward to seeing his nieces.

“Before you go, make sure to clear your rubbish from the attic and make the house decent for the new tenants,” his father said. “I would hate for them to find unnecessary filth in this house. I met with Admiral Croft the other day, and he seems to be a very agreeable man. In fact, I wouldn’t be ashamed to be seen with him anywhere. So please instruct the servants to be civil with him as well.”

“Yes father,” he said as he took a small bite.

“And Niall? Jeffery is coming along as a companion with us to Bath. I can’t have you gallivanting alone unmarried through those streets. Who knows what you will get up to.”

“So you’re giving me a babysitter, father?” Niall said as he buttered his toast. “I thought I was more grown than that. I am twenty five if you do not remember.”

“Watch your tongue, young man. You might not be inheriting this estate, but I will make sure my sons uphold the family name and marry honorably. The fact that you’re oldest and still unmarried while your brother already has two daughters shows how behind you are in life.”

Niall let out a deep sigh as he bit into his food, looking over at Harry. Niall had fallen in love once, when he went to Spain one summer. Harry had accompanied him and watched as his brother fell in love. But the man he fell in love with turned out to be married, hiding the act so he could be with Niall. He was heartbroken when he found out and declared he shall never fall in love again. Harry tried to comfort him as best he can, but as the years passed he saw how freely Niall loved others with his body, never finding satisfaction for what he really craved. But Niall did seem happier like this, even if he hasn’t reached the happiness Harry once saw when he was in love. It sometimes made Harry wonder if Louis had done the same.

***

Harry and Niall, and Jefferey at some points, spent the next few days cleaning up Kellynch as best they could. They helped the maids clean the books in the libraries, making sure they were in order if the Crofts decided to use them. Sir Walter ordered that the second best silverware be at Mrs. Crofts disposal, and they helped Alice and the rest of the maids shine it when they were available.

Sir Walter thought it a good idea for someone of the family to visit every house in the parish as a take leave, so the two brothers went about to each house and offered their goodbyes to the tenants. Almost every family adored them but hated their father, so there was a mix of emotions as they said goodbye to the families.

Sooner than later, the day came for Sir Elliot to leave to Bath and take Niall with him. Harry would be staying a few more days until he was to leave for Uppercross.

“I’ll miss you,” Niall said as he hugged Harry tightly. “Be sure to write to me as often you can.”

“We’ve been apart before, Niall,” Harry giggled. “Remember when you were away at school? We wrote all the time.”

“Yes but,” he lowered his voice hoping their father wouldn’t hear. “I wouldn’t want to leave you in your delicate state.”

“Delicate state?” Harry squawked. “You talk as if I am expecting a child?”

Niall rolled his eyes. “Of course you’re not! You refuse to enjoy the pleasures in life that I could easily introduce you to if you just accompanied me when I went out.”

“I will not be sleeping with a man I cannot even name or just met, Niall. I am not you.”

“As I always say, your loss, my brother,” Niall huffed. “But when I mentioned your delicate state, I meant where your heart is.”

“Oh,” Harry’s face softened, and his smile faltered, “You meant that. I’ll be fine. Please don’t worry yourself over that. I’ll write to you as soon as I reach Uppercross.”

Niall patted his back a final time before seating himself in the carriage next to Jefferey and across from his father. Harry stood by the door as he waved them off. Now he was the last on his family to stay there, and he would enjoy it as best he could.

***

Harry found himself kneeling over an old chest in the attic, carefully taking things out for the maid beside him to clean. He thought it a mindless task, until he saw what was under an old poetry book of his.

Thankfully, the maid had gone to get more rags by the time he found it, so he was left to slowly bask in the memories that it brought. He carefully took it out from the chest, blowing the dust from the cover.

“Royal Navy List”

He opened to the exact page they had flipped to together all those years ago. He could even remember how delicate Louis’ fingers looked over his. His heart seemed to suffocate as he saw the paper boat docked in the center of the pages, clearly worn from its use years ago.

Harry brushed his fingers over it, wondering if the words still remembered being written by Louis, or if they still carried the emotion of it. He doesn’t even have to open the letter to know what it says. And he remembers what happened the day he was given it.

_“So is this where you hide all day?” a voice came from the doorway, and Harry looked up from his book to find Louis standing there, leaning with a smile on his face._

_“Louis!” he said gleefully, running up and crashing into him, hugging him tightly. “You said you wouldn’t be coming back until tomorrow!” he said into his neck._

_Louis wrapped his arms around him closely, turning his head slowly to face his ear. “Change of plans. I didn’t want to give my mother any more trouble, so I decided to leave earlier than expected. Besides,” he said as he leaned back a bit to meet his eyes. “I already missed you too long.”_

_Harry felt his cheeks flame up, hoping Louis wouldn’t see, even though he was standing not three inches away. “You missed me?”_

_“Of course I did!” Louis said as he pulled him in for another hug. “I missed these curls,” he said nuzzling the chestnut ringlets. “I missed these cheeks,” he said as he gently pecked one cheek while lightly pinching the other with his fingers. “I missed you,” he whispered as their noses touched._

_Harry could only stare at his lips, hoping he would bring them to his own. For the past few weeks, they eased into cheek kisses, after Harry had kissed him fiercely on the cheek as a goodbye before running away to his room. He thought Louis would hate him for doing that, but when he saw him the next day, Louis peppered his cheeks with kisses. They kissed on the cheek whenever they could, Harry feeling himself come alive with every brush of his lips on his skin. He could only imagine what it would feel like when his own lips were pressed to his._

_And he almost thought Louis would grant his wish, by the way he was staring at his lips, but instead he pulled away a bit more and met his eyes._

_“I have something for you,” Louis breathed out as he searched his coat pockets. “Read it once I leave. I do have some dignity left and I’d rather keep it.”_

_“What do you-” he was silenced as Louis placed a letter in his open hand. It was delicately folded, with his name written at the center, leaving no doubt who it was addressed to. “Are you saying this is a naughty letter, Louis?” Harry said with a small smirk, holding the boat in between his hands._

_“No!” he gasped. “I just profess my…” he blushed once again, and Harry really wanted to keep him blushing for eternity. “Just read it when I leave!”_

_“You’ll have to convince me better than that,” Harry teased, pretending to pull back one of the flaps._

_“No, Harry!” he said sternly._

_Harry blinked at him. “But I want to open this now,” he pouted, a small stomp to his foot he hoped Louis didn’t see. “What else am I supposed to do with this in my hand?”_

_“Well I’ll just have to distract you then,”_

_“Distract me?” he squeaked._

_Louis stepped forward, wrapping his arm around his waist, bringing him closer until their noses were touching. Harry was sure he wasn’t breathing anymore._

_“Come here,” Louis said softly, and pressed his lips against his. And it was at that very moment that Harry forgot how to breathe._

_When they pulled back, Louis’ cheeks were even redder than before, and Harry could only imagine what color his own were._

_“Was that okay?” Louis whispered as he licked his lips, eyes fixed on Harry’s._

_Harry responded by leaning forward and pressing their lips together. It was hard to detach themselves for the rest of the evening, or the remaining months for that matter._

And he needed not to open the letter he clutched in his hand, for he already remembered it by heart.

_My dearest Harry,_

_These weeks away from you have made me realize something I never thought I would have the pleasure, or honor, to feel. Ever since I met you on that faithful day in winter, I have not been able to keep you out of my thoughts. I can be doing anything, and yet something will always remind me of you. I was tending to my mother’s garden, and I happened to see some beautiful flowers that were blooming not far from where I was leaning. I just thought of how pretty you would look with them in your hair, and mother found me still staring at them when she came out to find me. Can you not see how much you fill my mind?_

_In short, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you for as long as we both shall live. I can only hope that you feel the same as I feel for you. I never thought I would find my soulmate in life, and yet I have before I am even twenty. I love you more than you will ever know, Harry._

_Yours sincerely,_

_L.T_

Harry heard the door opening and shook himself out of the memory. He hated how he still remembered it so fondly. But all the while, he’s glad to have known what true love felt like. How innocent it was. How passionate it was. His head might hate him for keeping the memories, but his heart fiercely protected them.

***

A few days went by as he readied the rest of his things, and by the time Monday morning came, he was ready to leave his childhood home. He walked by the rooms a final time, a twinge of sadness in his heart as the memories came flooding in as we walked past each wing. A memory of the mischief he would get into with Niall or a day spent reading with Zayn. When he walked past his personal library, he could only imagine how different the room felt the day Louis had kissed him there. His first kiss.

He said goodbye to the servants and walked to the door with his bag. He only had two trunks to carry his clothing, hoping they wouldn’t be too much of a bother to carry around as he traveled. Once the driver felt everything was secure, he helped Harry onto the carriage and with the crack of his whip they started off into the country road.

The autumn air was crisp as they rode along the dirt road to Uppercross, a thin fog weaving along the road. The leaves were already turning their orange color, a sign of the cold that was coming. They passed a few carriages, Harry waving to some of the people he recognized. It wasn’t long until he saw the familiar Great House that stood right outside the town. Despite their wealth, Liam’s parents were some of the kindest people that Harry knew in the area, and they even considered him a part of their family whenever he came to visit. He was eager to visit them once he was settled in The Payne Cottage.

He remembered how excited Zayn was to finally have a home of his own when he first married Liam. They just gotten back from their honeymoon in Edinburgh and Harry was asked to be an extra pair of hands while they decorated and properly furnished their home. It was a rather grand cottage, holding two stories and enough room for each girl to have their own room as well. He remembered how insistent Zayn was on having a nursery ready –“you never know when we would be having a baby” – and how much effort Liam put in it as well.  Even though he teased Zayn for it, he was sure Rachel was conceived before their marriage, as she was born around eight months after their wedding. Every time he asked Zayn, he simply blushed and said she was an early arrival before quickly changing the subject, and that was all the confirmation Harry needed.

One thing was for sure: there was never a time when that cottage wasn’t filled with love, and that was probably one of the reasons Harry enjoyed staying in it so much. The love would radiate through the walls, by the way Liam would look at Zayn when he wasn’t looking, or the way Zayn would play a new game with Rachel whenever she got sad, or the way Zayn would look at Liam while he had Anne in his arms, trying to put her to sleep in her crib. The girls were lucky to have his brother and Liam as their parents. And as they got older, they would probably realize that.

The carriage finally stopped in front of the familiar cottage, and Harry rushed inside as his trunks were being brought down.

“Zayn?” he called out as he took off his scarf, hanging it by the door.

“Be right there!” a voice called from another part of the house.

Harry looked around, noticing the toys that were thrown around the room. Even though Zayn was notoriously clean growing up, he seems to have forgotten how to clean up when he was with his daughters. It put a smile on his face just to think of how suited Zayn was to be a father.

Zayn walked into the room with a small girl on his hip.  “Sorry Haz,” he said as he whipped his brow with his free hand, “this one decided to go running off into the garden so she could avoid eating her brussel sprouts,” he turned his head to face her, “You know your father will be cross if he comes home to find you being this disobedient.”

The little girl in his arms pouted. She had her father’s dark ebony colored hair and the curly locks Liam had given her, with the longest curled eyelashes framing her brown almond eyes. Harry remembered how Liam had sported a curly mop on his head in his youth but opted to cut it shorter as he grew older. There was no doubt Rachel was the perfect mixture of her fathers. “But Papa,” she whined, “they taste horrible!”

Harry chuckled as he walked over to them and hugged Zayn before taking the girl from her father’s arms. “I know, Rachel, your Papa is so mean for making you eat that.”

“Uncle Harru!” she squealed as hugged his neck. “I’m so happy you’ve come back. I need an old person to tell Papa that I do _not_ need to eat them.”

Zayn squinted at him. “You’re no help,” he grumbled, reaching over to put a loose curl back under the yellow ribbon that was tied around her head.

Rachel began to tug at his hair. “You must let me braid your hair, Uncle. I found some pretty flowers in the garden and Papa said I could save them for you.”

“As soon as I’m free, we’ll spend an entire afternoon braiding hair,” Harry laughed as he nuzzled his nose with hers. He yearned for the day he would have his own child to dote over, but for now he was pleased with having his nieces. “And where is your sister?”

“Anne is napping,” Rachel huffed. “She’s no fun.”

“And Liam is out hunting but he will be here for dinner,” Zayn said as he picked up a few toys from the floor and put them away. “Rachel dear, I want to speak with you uncle for a bit in private. Do you want to go finish that puzzle you were doing upstairs? If you manage to finish it on your own, I might be inclined to give you an extra pastry as a reward after dinner.”

“Yes!” she squealed and hurried away upstairs, her feet pattering against the hard wooden floor as she bounced her way to her room.

“I cannot remember a time when that girl never had her energetic spirit,” Zayn said as he watched her leave. “She was born into this world ready to cause mayhem whenever she went.”

“And by all means let her,” Harry said as he sat down on a chair near the fireplace.

“So what’s new with you, Harry? The transition at Kellynch going well I hope?”

Harry nodded as he sipped his tea. “It might have taken quite a bit of convincing – especially from Niall – but Father was finally convinced to lease Kellynch in the end.”

“In your letter you wouldn’t reveal who was leasing Kellynch. Why haven’t you told me?”

Harry let out a sigh. “Because I wanted to tell you in person.”

Zayn frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“Mr. Azoff recommended a family to lease Kellynch; a sailor that has been at sea for some time and wished to lease a home in the country.”

“Father allowed a sailor to enter his house?” Zayn chuckled. “Now that is news.”

Harry shrugged. “Persuasion and desperation played a heavy role in his agreement.”

“I still do not see why you could not have told me this over a letter.”

“I haven’t told you who the family belongs to,” he took a deep breath before continuing. “It’s an admiral of the navy. Admiral Croft. He has no children with his wife, and I hear that he cares for her very much. And his wife… her maiden name was Tomlinson.”

Zayn let out a soft gasp as his jaw dropped slightly. “She doesn’t happen to be related to that Tomlinson?”

Harry looked down at his hands. “She is his sister. Both the curate and my-” he paused as he shook his head, hating that he could still slip up like this. At least it was just in front of Zayn, and not someone more embarrassing. “the sailor. She was accompanying the Admiral at sea when Louis came to Kellynch, so unless he told her, she doesn’t know about what happened. I managed to leave before they arrived, so I haven’t even seen them yet.”

“Oh Haz,” he said softly. After a moment, he slowly looked up from his tea. “You don’t think-um… her brother will be visiting them?”

“The last time I heard anything about Louis was more than two years ago. I can only hope he’s alive somewhere in his empty world, but hopefully far away from here. I do not think he wants to see me, and I cannot bear to look at him after everything that has happened. I suspect he has not forgiven me.”

“I… cannot accurately say what his thoughts would be. But should he visit his sister’s new home, it is possible that he will leave the past in the past and treat you with kindness. His time in the navy may have put a new perspective in his life.”

“I can only hope you are right, Zayn,” he replied solemnly.

“Do you know if he is attached to someone?”

Harry’s eyes widened in realization. “No,” he croaked out. “But now I fear it!” he managed out before bursting into tears.

“Oh, Harry! No I’m sorry,” Zayn said as he rushed across to pull him in his arms.

“What if he is married?” he sobbed against his shoulder. “What if he has children? And even if he doesn’t, he is bound to have someone. A gentleman like him with a fortune that large does not remain unattached for very long.”

“You don’t know that,” Zayn said softly. “You said yourself you know nothing of him. It’s possible that he hasn’t found a husband yet. If the Admiral has come ashore after all these years, then the rest of the navy is as well.”

The logic did seem firm, but it did not sway Harry. There could be every possibility that Louis married years ago and has come home to his family, possibly with children. He was so worried about the Crofts arriving that it didn’t even occur to him that Louis wouldn’t possibly even be a bachelor if he did visit. Would he have told his new husband about them? About what happened with them? Would he even be worth a mention?

So many questions swirled in his head, and he couldn’t stop them.

“I have to know, Zayn! I have to know if he is unmarried or not. I would not be able to contain myself if I was to learn of it in his presence!”

“Calm down,” he said as he pulled away. “We will find a way to know before we are to meet the Crofts.”

Suddenly the door creaked open, a blonde head peeking out.

Zayn looked over Harry’s shoulder, frowning slightly. “Jack?” It was his servant of many years, and a trusted one as well.

“Begging your pardon, sir, but the door was open, and I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation.”

Zayn rolled his eyes as Harry blushed, embarrassed that someone else had heard his pathetic moaning. “You’re not known as the town gossip for nothing. I hope what was said in this room does not go beyond these walls.”

Jack nodded. “I have no intention of spreading anything I heard. You know me to never tell of what happens in this house. I just tell you what I hear from the outside, particularly what I hear from the market from the hand maids. Which is why I wanted to tell you both something that you might find interesting.”

Zayn looked over at his brother, who nodded for him to continue.

“Well I have a friend, Lucy, who works for the Worthington family down the street. Well she has a cousin who works at Kellynch and she has met some of the trusted servants of the Crofts,” he explained as he fidgeted with his fingers. “And I happened to see Lucy when I was at the butchers. She never stops talking about the new families that arrive in the area, and she happened to mention that Mrs. Croft has a recently married brother.”

Is it possible to slice up your chest and rip out your heart? Harry thought that might hurt less than what he was feeling in his chest at the moment. Married? Louis was married?

Zayn heard an audible moan from his brother.

“Thank you, Jack,” he said as the man bowed and left through the same door.

The fire crackled as they sat in silence. Harry’s body was slouched against the armchair, staring into the flames.

“Are you okay, Harry?” Zayn whispered.

“At least I know now,” he said softly, rubbing his eye to prevent any tears from flowing. “At least I can get this out before I ever have to see him.”

Outside of the room, they heard the front door open as Rachel squealed down the steps.

“You’re home!” they heard her say, “Papa is talking with Harry in the sitting room.”

They heard the steps coming towards them, the door opening to reveal Liam stepping inside with Rachel in his arms. Harry noticed his hair was a bit longer on his head from when he last saw him, but the same warm brown eyes and cheery cheeks were as he remembered.

“Brother!” Liam bellowed from the doorway, making his way to their seats.

“Hello, Liam,” Harry said as he stood up. After greeting Zayn with a kiss and handing Rachel to him, he turned to gather Harry in his arms and gave him a hearty hug. It was much needed after the news he received, gladly welcoming the feeling.

“I was so pleased when Zayn told me you were to be visiting us!” he said as they pulled apart. “You know you always have a home in Uppercross whenever you need it.”

“Thank you, Liam,” he smiled warmly.

Liam frowned slightly. “Are you alright? Not to remark on your appearance, but your eyes appear as if you have been crying.”

Harry blinked back at him before bringing up his hand to rub them again.

“Don’t worry yourself, Liam,” Zayn cut in quickly. “He was just very tired from his journey here. That is all.”

“Yes,” Harry breathed out, “I am just very tired. I have had so much to do in these last couple of days.”

“Ah yes! Kellynch has new tenants. Well you are more than welcome to go upstairs and rest in your room before supper. I just left the duck in the kitchen, and our cook informed me it would be a while until she would start preparing it.”

“Yes,” he replied. “I think I shall do that. Thank you, Liam.”

Even if he wasn’t related by blood, Harry still considered him a brother in every sense. And since he was a bit older, Liam treated him as such at any given moment. Harry always knew him and Zayn were meant to be together, as they were both always the ones to mother the rest of them whenever they had the chance.

As Harry excused himself, he paused at the door once he heard Liam whispering. Thankfully he was out of sight as he tilted his head towards the voices.

“Are you sure he’s okay?” he heard Liam say. “I’ve never seen such sadness in his eyes.”

He waited for Zayn’s response. He doesn’t know if Liam knew about his past engagement, or even his past with Louis. It’s not as if Harry had ever instructed Zayn to not tell him.

“He’ll be fine, Li,” Zayn replied. “I know him better than anyone. He’ll get over what he has.”

Harry could only laugh to himself. He hoped that Zayn’s positivity would be right in many things. But if there was one thing he wished the most, it was that. That he would be okay after this. Or at least survive it.

***

Harry found himself sitting in Zayn’s sitting room, Admiral and Mrs. Croft having just arrived. The admiral was rather tall, a few good inches taller than Harry. He had a deep, commanding voice, but a general warmth of character. Not what he expected in a naval man, but then again Louis did join as well, and he had the biggest heart Harry had ever seen in a person.

But he was almost in a state of shock when he found himself face to face with Mrs. Louise Croft, who turned out to have the same striking features her younger brother was blessed with. High cheekbones, blue eyes that looked like a cold glance but could easily turn warm in a matter of seconds, feathery chocolate hair. He remembered how Edward looked like, since Harry would often find himself at his home when he went to visit Louis and seeing how similar their sister looked to them shouldn’t have been so surprising to him. But any remembrance of Louis made his heart ache, no matter how distant.

“So is Kellynch to your liking, Mrs. Croft?” Harry said, hoping to calm his nerves. They were all in the sitting room, and Mrs. Croft had taken the seat next to Harry as Zayn was near the Admiral. “I hope I left it in a well enough state.”

“It’s marvelous! I do say that it feels rather empty with only the Admiral and myself there, but we have never been in such a fine house! The furnishings are wonderful, and you left everything in a perfect state.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” he said with a smile before sipping his tea.

“Before I forget Mrs. Croft,” Zayn started. “We heard news that your brother has recently married and wanted to send our congratulations.”

The brothers had decided beforehand that Zayn would best be the one to send their well wishes through her.

“Oh you have heard?” she smiled gleefully. “It was a beautiful wedding! Right in the middle of a warm summer day. And on top of that, he was offered a new curacy near Doncaster, so he will be closer to our mother!”

Harry was trying to control his emotions as he imagined what kind of wedding Louis had, but when Louise mentioned a curacy, he froze. _Curacy?_

“Excuse me,” Zayn coughed into his fist, “Did you say a new curacy?”

“Oh yes! He was offered it not long after the wedding, and they moved straight there once everything was settled. Edward was truly pleased with himself, as he should be with the pretty wife he has.”

If he was alone, Harry would have doubled over and burst into tears at that second.

Edward. It was Edward. Edward had been the one that married not too long ago. Not Louis. Edward. His heart wanted to pluck itself from his chest and rest along the top of his stomach, in desperate need of a nap after the whirlwind of emotions he had just gone through in the last few minutes.

“Edward,” Zayn sighed in relief. “We did meet him when he had the curacy here. Please send him our best regards.”

“I shall in my next letter,” Mrs. Croft said. “It was a shame our other brother, Louis, couldn’t be there, as he was still stationed at sea, but he has recently returned! And shall be staying with us once he visits this area.”

Harry’s heart was cutting its arteries as they spoke.

“In fact, I believe he is to arrive later tonight, my darling,” the Admiral said after taking a sip of his tea. “His last letter said he would arrive no later than today.”

_Snip. Snip. Snip._

“Oh that’s right! I am so forgetful sometimes. And in my haste, I forgot to mention my brother for the dinner at your father-in-law’s house, Mr. Payne!” she said as she turned to Zayn. “Would it be alright if I brought him too? I would not like to offend them.”

Harry could feel the sinking pit of his stomach as the weight of his heart sprawled out over it.

Zayn’s eyes widened as turned to Harry, who was turning pale as a sheet of parchment.

“Not at all, Mrs. Croft,” Zayn swallowed. “I am sure they will be most happy to welcome your brother as well.”

“Is there any chance you might have already met him?” the Admiral asked. “I remember him telling me that he was once in Somersetshire a few years ago, and might of called on Kellynch once or twice.”

His heart might as well go into a coma.

“We have,” Zayn answered again. “We did meet him when he was here, so we would be delighted to see him again after so long.

“You have?” Mrs. Croft beamed as she glanced at the clock. “Then it shall be a joyous reunion! But I do not wish to trouble you any longer, Mr. Payne, for we should go get our selves ready for tonight and have Kellynch ready for my brother’s arrival.”

She stood up as the Admiral followed. “You are quite right, my dear. We shall see you all tonight.”

Harry was still as pale as a ghost as they all said their goodbyes, but luckily the Admiral nor Mrs. Croft failed to notice as they hurried out the door, waving their goodbyes as they hopped in their carriage.

“Are you going to be alright?” Zayn asked as he watched their carriage leave down the road.

“Who knows,” Harry answered. “I’m going to lie down for a nap. I haven’t decided if this is a nightmare or a dream, but I would like to wake up from it. Just wake up in a place where my heart isn’t exhausted to its limit.”

“One day it won’t be like that anymore, Harry. You’ll find someone that will make your heart flutter with happiness.”

 _I already had that, though,_ the thought to himself. And he didn’t have to admit it, just keep it as a private thought, but he thought that one day, the same man that made his heart feel that way would make it come alive like that again. But he knew that was just a dream. He knew Louis had a big heart, but the man would never forgive so easily. He remembers how Louis once told him he still hated a man for taking his sandwich when they were five years old. And given their history, he wishes he would have stolen his sandwich rather than his heart. He knew Louis would never forgive him.

He found himself in his room a few moments later, finally getting to cry out the pain his heart had given him.

***

When the night finally fell, Harry looked at himself in the mirror, the nearby candle illuminating his face as best it could, hoping he would at least look decent.

He decided on his brown coat for the evening. When he was younger, around the time he found Louis, he wanted to wear brighter colors in his wardrobe, maybe silks and the reds and purples he adored, but he decided against them because he thought they made him look silly. And it wasn’t until he met Louis that he finally felt like they weren’t silly.

But there was one item he never dared wear in public, as he felt the most silly in them. Harry dug through his trunk until he felt for them, pulling them gently out. His lace gloves. He once wore them in front of Louis, when they met one night and danced in the moonlight together, but he could never forget the time Louis found out his interest in them.

He suddenly remembered that one afternoon in the summertime, when Louis was still his.

_“Come on, Harry!” Louis called out as he pulled on his hand. “You have to run faster.”_

_“The lake will still be there no matter the time we get there, Louis!” Harry replied almost out of breath._

_When they finally reached the edge of the lake, they stayed silent as they observed the peacefulness. There was a soft breeze lapping through their hair, the trees giving them a nice shade. A pair of cranes few low over the sparkling water, and a few birds chirped in the distance. Harry was sure he heard a frog somewhere._

_“Come on,” Louis whispered. “Let’s get to our picnic.”_

_After setting it up, Harry sat back down on the blanket, resting his back against the soft earth, his legs opened in invitation. Lunch could wait._

_Louis came to kneel between his legs, pushing his thighs apart to make some room. Harry held his palm out to help him balance, and Louis intertwined their fingers as he pressed their palms together, the soft glide of their hands feeling heavenly. Louis leaned down to kiss him, his lips feeling a bit chapped from their run in the sun. But they still felt amazing against his plush ones, sliding together as he opened his mouth a bit. Louis’ tongue lapped against his bottom lip until it slid inside, Harry moaning into his mouth. It didn’t take long for Louis’ hands to start roaming over his body, and Harry never felt happier._

_Eventually his hands were cupping his rear, causing them both to rut against each other. Harry felt the tip of his fingers coming up to the edge of his pants, pausing as Louis pulled back a bit._

_“Can I?” he panted against his lips, eyes glassy. Harry furiously nodded and attached their lips again. His skin burned once he felt Louis’ fingers slide under the cloth of his pants, hoping they would cup his cheek as he did over his clothing._

_But Louis’ hands weren’t traveling farther down anymore, and Harry frowned into the kiss. But he suddenly remembered what he kept there, and his entire body flushed a deep pink._

_“What is this?” Louis said as he pulled the delicate fabric out of his inner pocket._

_Oh no. Oh no no no no no. His gloves. His lace gloves._

_Louis looked very cross, and Harry wanted to die right there. He held them up against the light, the pretty white lace looking ever so delicate._

_“They’re mine!” he squeaked. “I didn’t think you would go there and find them. I’m sorry, Louis. I-”_

_“They’re yours?” he asked, his eyes fixated on them._

_Harry blinked, nodding in response._

_“You swear?”_

_He imagined his erection would have flagged down considerably by now, but he found himself still hard. He felt that Louis’ had softened against him, but he remained the same. Was there something wrong with him? “I swear, Lou.”_

_He saw him visibly relax, his shoulders slumping a bit. Harry could feel him grow a bit hard against him. Oh._

_“You’re not cross?”_

_“Of course not,” Louis said as he shook his head. “I thought you were seeing someone else. Having their gloves in your back pocket as if they owned you.”_

_“What?” Harry giggled. “You know I only love you, Lou.”_

_“Excuse me for being irrational at the thought of you with someone else,” he chided as leaned over to kiss him, his eyes still staring at the gloves. “They are rather pretty.”_

_“I love them,” he whispered. “I got them when my father took us to Paris last spring. I knew he wouldn’t like me wearing them, but Zayn and Niall encouraged me to buy them,” he began chewing as his bottom lip, “but I think they make me look silly. Everyone would laugh at me if I were to wear something like this.”_

_“If they do I’ll kill them,” Louis said with a determined voice. “You should wear whatever you want.”_

_“You think so?” he grinned. “You’ll always be there to defend me?”_

_“Always,” Louis whispered and brought their lips together. “As a matter of fact, you should put them on right now.”_

_“Now?” Harry blinked in disbelief. “You want me to wear them here?”_

_Louis shrugged. “I think you’ll look very attractive in them.”_

_“Okay,” Harry answered, reaching to grab them. He pouted when Louis put them out of his reach._

_“No,” he shook his head. “I want to put them on.”_

_Harry blushed as he held his hands out. “Go ahead.” He watched in earnest as Louis carefully slid them on._

_Louis didn’t say anything as he held both of his hands, studying them carefully. They were fingerless gloves with frills on the cuffs, dainty little things that he fell in love with at first sight in that shop in Paris. Harry felt like squirming under such attention, and he suddenly remembered he was still hard._

_“Please kiss me, Lou,” he pleaded. Louis’ eyes shot up to meet his, and in seconds their lips were together again. Louis’ hands quickly found his bum again as Harry lifted himself a bit, wasting no time sliding inside his pants to cup a cheek. Harry’s body had been begging for it, and he moaned loudly against his mouth, Louis biting at his lower lip in the process._

_“If you’re up for it,” he panted against his lips, “you can touch me.”_

_“Where?” Harry slurred, not opening his eyes. His hands were currently at his waist, not knowing where else to go. He was too lost in his what Louis was doing to him to move them elsewhere._

_“Down there,” he whispered. “Take me out of my pants and hold me. Like you told me yesterday that you wanted to do.”_

_Harry’s eyes opened, finding Louis staring at his lips intently. They were in the library yesterday, and Louis happened to find a book that was for clearly for adults. It talked of what to try in intimacy, and Louis pressed Harry to reveal which ones they should try together. Finally, with a deep blush on his face, he admitted he wanted to try it all. Louis responded by smothering his face with kisses and asked him what he wanted to try first. Helping him reach his pleasure with his hand was first on the list, followed by his mouth. “You would let me do that?”_

_Louis nodded. “I’m,” he rutted against him, Harry biting his bottom lip as he felt how hard he was against his thigh, “close. You said you wanted to touch me there and I said I would show you how to do it. I think now is the best time.”_

_Harry nodded. “I’m ready,” he said as he started to pull at one of the tips to take it off. He quickly felt Louis’ hand over him, and he looked up to find him shaking his head._

_“No. Keep them on.”_

_“You want me to touch you with these on?” Harry piped. He felt himself growing harder, if that was even possible._

_“If you want,” Louis said with a slight blush on his face. “I think it might feel good.”_

_“Okay,” Harry swallowed. As Louis held himself up by his forearms, Harry’s hands traveled down between them, unbuttoning his pants and feeling his way in. He gasped when he finally found his cock, feeling it hot and heavy in his hand. He never touched one besides his own, and he didn’t really want to let go now._

_“Take it out,” Louis groaned. Harry complied, carefully gripping him firmly._

_“What now?”_

_“Whatever you want, love,” he panted. “I could come just like this.”_

_Harry bit his lower lip. He didn’t really know what to do, but he thought his fingers be helpful. He took his thumb and swirled it over the tip, eliciting a moan from above. He did it again, and Louis slowly thrusted against his hand. Harry felt his eyes roll back in bliss._

_The lace must have turned him on, because once Harry started to run his hands up and down his shaft, the lace feeling hotter with the friction of his skin, Louis came with a groan, spilling over Harry’s shirt. Harry stared with wide eyes as he watched the stripes of come coat him._

_“Okay,” Louis said as he caught his breath. “Let me take care of you.”_

_Harry blushed a deep pink. “No you don’t have to-“_

_He couldn’t stop Louis’ hand reaching for him, and his surprise when he found him soft._

_“You came already?”_

_“Apparently,” he whispered. “I really enjoy pleasuring you.”_

_“You’re so special,” Louis grinned as he took a cloth from a basket to clean them both up. “And I’m so glad I’m in love with you.”_

_“I love you so much, Lou,” he smiled lazily. “We didn’t even eat our lunch!”_

_“You were much more delicious,” Louis said as he nuzzled his nose._

_Even if he hated to admit it, Harry didn’t wash those gloves for a week. They spent the rest of the afternoon eating their lunches, feeding each other at some points. Harry truly felt the happiest when he was with Louis._

“Harry!” Zayn’s voice broke his memory and he hastily turned his head towards the sound.

“Zayn? Are you alright?”

“Harry come down quickly!” he heard Zayn yell.

He quickly buttoned up his shirt and ran out into the hallway, stopping at the top of the steps once he saw Zayn hurrying up with Rachel in his arms, tears streaming down her face.

“What happened?” he babbled. “Is she okay?”

“She fell from a tree,” Zayn cried, a pain in his voice. “Decided she wanted to be a bird and jumped from a tall branch. Her friend came to the cottage crying for help.” He carried her into her room and laid her on the bed.

“Oh Rachel,” Harry said after ordering the maids to bring fresh sheets and towels, “how could you?”

“My arm hurts, Papa,” she sniffed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Your father has already called for the doctor and he’ll make sure everything will be alright soon. You just have to stay strong and bear through the pain. Can you do that for me, Rachie?”

She slowly brought up a hand to rub at her eye, nodding. “I can.”

Liam arrived a few moments later with a doctor in tow. After a careful examination, he found she had broken a bone in her arm and sprained her wrist in the process. She would have to be bedridden for several weeks while she healed.

“And there are no other injuries?” Liam asked as he held Zayn tightly against him. “To her head or legs?”

“None that I can determine,” the doctor said as he washed his hands in a basin. “She’s awake and responding well, so I deduce her arm is all that was broken in her fall.”

Zayn let out a sigh as he walked over to the bed.

“Alright. We will do everything we can to help her.”

The doctor packed up his things after telling them to let him know if her situation changes. Liam went to show him out while Zayn and Harry stayed by her bedside.

“How are you feeling, Rachel?” Harry asked as he brushed her hair back out of her face.

“My arm hurts, but I felt like a real bird and that’s what matters.”

“I hope that’s the last time you go pretending to be a bird,” Zayn said sternly. “You could have hurt yourself even worse! Your head, your spine, your legs. You had us so worried.”

“I hate to remind you of such a thing at a time like this,” Harry coughed. “But we are due at the Great House tonight. Would you like me to send word that we’ll be staying?”

“Yes. I think it best. I need to make sure she’s okay. Although I would have liked a nice dinner party to go to. We rarely go out these days,” he said with a sigh.

Harry thought for a moment. He knew how hard Zayn and Liam worked as parents, and Liam on the farm. Even on a night as stressful as this, they still deserved to have some time to themselves. “I can take care of her,” he said. “Go on and dine with the family and leave Rachel to my care. I’ll have the maids help too of course, but you can go with the piece of mind that I am taking care of her. You deserve to have a break from the household, and there’s not much you can do here anyway. She’s going to go to sleep soon, so you might as well enjoy the rest of your night.”

“I don’t know, Harry,” Zayn said as he looked on at his daughter. “Are you okay if we leave you, sweetheart?”

Rachel nodded. “I’m very tired, Papa. I would like Uncle Harru to tell me one of his special bedtime tales!”

“What’s this about bedtime tales?” Liam said as he entered the room.

“Harry got the idea that he would stay with Rachel and care for her while we went to your parents house for their dinner party. And Rachel doesn’t mind as well.”

“Only if you feel comfortable, Harry,” Liam said. “Some distractions might do us good, but do not hesitate to let us know if anything happens.”

“Don’t worry, both of you,” he smiled as he lightly poked Rachel’s nose. “I’ll make her forget all about her broken bone in no time.”

After they left, Harry told her her favorite stories that he read from books. Fairy tales from the great beyond, with dragons and princesses and kingdoms far far away. Rachel and Anne, who was brought in before her bedtime, so Harry could rock her to sleep, laughed at his stories as he played each character with different voices. Hearing their giggling laughter only made his heart ache for children of his own someday.

Eventually they both went to sleep, Harry sitting on his chair by the bed, a bowl of water next to him in case she developed a fever. He thought he could easily stay up the night to watch her, but he found one of the maids waking him from a nap he had no idea he took.

“You can go to sleep, sir,” the maid smiled. “You’ve done wonderful with her, and I’ll watch her during the night and report to the masters once they arrive home. Go get your rest.”

Harry nodded, and after kissing the top of her forehead, he walked to his room. He might have still had the grogginess of his sleep on him, but his mind finally wandered to the dinner party. Louis was supposed to be there. He probably already met Zayn and Liam and the rest of his family. They would probably talk about him the next morning. How charming he was, more likely than not.

He changed into his night clothes and got under the covers, wrapping himself in a wool blanket. The fall nights were cooler than usual, and they only made him wish he had someone to share his bed with. With his earlier memory, he suddenly remembered when he did share a bed with someone. It was one of the most wonderful nights of his life.

_“Just make sure Father doesn’t realize I’m gone,” Harry whispered as he shrugged on his coat. Louis was to meet him soon, and he was going to spend the night at his home. Alone. His body was aching with nerves and excitement ever since Louis suggested it to him earlier that afternoon after he proposed. He professed his love one more time and asked for his hand in marriage, which he happily accepted._

_“You’re lucky I like you,” Zayn mumbled, arms crossed over his chest as he watched him from his bed. “Don’t get caught! I do not know how you would get yourself out of a situation where you’re sneaking around in the middle of the night with a stranger.”_

_“He’s not a stranger,” Harry breathed as he put his hat on, “He’s Louis. My Louis. And if he had given me an engagement band I would be throwing it at you right now.”_

_“You act as if Father will not disapprove of it.”_

_Harry shrugged. “He cannot. I am of little importance to him. What would his last carrier son be to him? He might as well let me marry who I want.”_

_“I hope you’re right!” Zayn loudly whispered as he quietly left the room._

_Harry snuck out through the kitchen door as he usually did, careful not to wake the dogs that stood watch. He usually gave them a good scratching and they went right back to sleep, and tonight was no different.  A full moon had risen high in the sky as he walked along the small forest, illuminating his path._

_Louis was standing by the familiar oak tree, leaning against the strong bark. The oak tree that Louis had proposed to him by earlier in the day._

_“Hello, love,” he said softly, taking him into his arms and giving him a deep kiss._

_“I missed you,” Harry replied._

_Louis smiled against his lips. “We’ve only been apart for a few hours.”_

_“That’s too much,” he grumbled, seeking his lips again. Louis turned his face to kiss his cheek, giving soft licks in between kisses._

_“I want more, Lou,” Harry groaned into his ear. “I want you.”_

_“You have me,” he whispered. “I shall always be yours. Body and soul.”_

_“Is it wrong to want a taste of both?” he pleaded, pulling back to meet his eyes._

_“Both?” Louis breathed, licking his lips. “What do you mean, Harry?”_

_“You know what I mean,” he murmured, leaning forward to nuzzle his neck. “I want you. Tonight.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_“You said we could spend the night together.”_

_“Not to do anything like that, Harry. I just wanted to sleep with you, go to bed together. But if you want that… who am I to deny such a request. But,” he met his eyes. “Are you sure you want this? I haven’t even given you a ring.”_

_“I don’t need a ring, Lou. I have you.” Harry kissed him firmly, hoping it would illustrate his point. And that was all the convincing Louis needed. They rushed over to his brother’s house, who Harry had been in plenty of times and had even met Edward, but this time it felt different. He would be on his bed, naked, and making love._

_They quickly undressed, Harry’s stomach feeling as if someone dumped a bucket of fluttering butterflies in it. Louis opened the covers for him to crawl under, and once Harry made himself comfortable, Louis climbed over him, their hard cocks pressing against each other. The sensation was almost too much to bear._

_“Have you ever been with someone?” Louis whispered as he bit at the skin at the base of his neck. “Like this.”_

_Harry was so lost in the pleasure of it he almost forgot to reply. The way Louis’ skin felt on him, so warm and welcoming. “No,” he croaked out. “Only you, Lou. Have you?”_

_“You’re my first too,” he whispered against his skin, lapping at the mark he left._

_Harry had imagined how his first time would be like more times than he could count. Would it be on his wedding night? Behind a shed? In the middle of the field? Like those books he would read? Somehow, he never imagined it would be in warm bed, with a crackling fire nearby, with the love of his life. And it was better than he ever imagined. Louis took his time opening him with a special oil, telling him it would make it feel even better. When he entered him, Harry swore he saw stars. Louis finally put a hand on his cock as he timed his thrusts with his hand, whispering “I love you”s to each other whenever they could. As if the night couldn’t be more perfect, they came at the same time. Harry spilled all over his stomach, the hot stream coating his burning skin. He felt Louis fill him up with his own come, thrusting deep inside him as he spent himself._

_Louis collapsed over him, not caring for the drying come over Harry’s stomach. They panted as they tried to catch their breath, but Louis managed to croak out a few words._

_“I’ll always love you, Harry. No matter what happens, you will always be in my heart. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”_

For the first time, Harry didn’t cry at the memory. Instead, he felt a sense of warmth within him. As if the memories comforted him. He fell asleep easily after that, the coldness not affecting him as much as he thought it would.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Harry tended to Rachel while Zayn was getting Anne dressed. Liam had gone out early to shoot, and Harry assumed Louis would be part of that group, as Zayn had remarked how quickly Liam and Louis made friends. Harry hoped they stay far away from the house.

“So how was the dinner?” Harry said as he put jam on his toast.

“Eager to know?” Zayn said with a small smile. “It went wonderful, actually. The conversation was lively, and Louis was most agreeable. Very gallant towards me, which surprised me. I thought he wouldn’t like to associate with your own brother.”

It was not in his nature, he wanted to say. Louis might still hold an anger towards him, but he knew he would never take it out on someone who was not at fault.

There was a knock at the window behind them, and they turned to find Liam standing there.

“Captain Tomlinson went shooting with me today and he follows with the dogs. Would you like to meet him?”

“Um,-” Zayn’s eyes widened. “That’s fine, love. Send him in.”

Harry felt as if he were to faint, rushing to stand from his seat. They heard the front door opening, and the maids allowed them through to the kitchen.

Anton, Liam’s younger brother, stepped through first. Even though he was a Payne and had the general good nature of his family, Anton was more superficial than his siblings, and had boasted about wanting to marry a rich husband that would be able to spoil him. Harry had no doubt he was trying to latch himself onto Louis if he could.

And before he knew it, another man stepped in through the door with Liam behind him to announce their arrival.

“Harry and Zayn,” Liam introduced them. “Captain Louis Tomlinson.”

Harry had read about time freezing in his romance novels, rolling his eyes sometimes because it seemed improbable. But time did freeze, and it broke his heart in the process. In walked a slightly taller, tanned version of the boy that broke his heart. His hair was cut with a bit of length near the top of his head, the same chestnut brown as before. He wore a captain’s uniform now. The same piercing blue eyes stared back at him, but none of the warmth that he remembered. He had grown more handsome than he remembered, if that was even possible.

Louis made eye contact with him, and Harry thought his legs would give in. He discreetly tried to grab a hold of the chair, something to hold him steady.

Liam pipped up. “Captain, may I introduce my husband Zayn and his brother, Harry. I am aware you may already know them both?”

Louis looked away.

“Yes. I have already had the pleasure of meeting your husband and Mr. Harry before. Good morning to you both.”

Harry tried to nod his head nonchalantly. “Captain Tomlinson.”

The captain quickly shifted his eyes to him before looking back at Zayn. “How is the child? Did she wake up better today?”

“She is doing much better, Captain,” Zayn smiled as he looked at Liam. “Awake and bubbly as ever. Thank you for asking.”

“Well I do not plan to spoil your breakfast any longer,” he said as he looked around. “Are we to go shooting Liam?”

“Yes of course!” he said before kissing Zayn goodbye and leading them out of the house.

“Let’s go, Captain Tomlinson!” Anton said as he followed behind Liam.

“Good day to you both,” Louis nodded his head in their direction before he followed.

“Are you alright?” Zayn asked quickly. “I’m sorry Liam sprung that on us so quickly. He doesn’t know about your past with him.”

“It’s over!” Harry croaked. “And it’s done already. I am fine. I have seen him, and he has seen me. It is clear he hasn’t forgiven me, but I hope to not see him too much this season, for both our sakes.”

A million things were still running through his mind. His face. The last time he saw his face there was so much anger to it, and sadness. A major difference from their night spent together before. And now, five years later, he’s able to gaze at it once more. His cheekbones, his eyes, his glance. His heart ached gravely for him.

***

A few days passed as Harry recovered from the shock of seeing him in person again and found that tending to Rachel was one of the best distractions he could find. He thought he was in the clear until Anton came around to announce that they had all been invited to dine at Kellynch by the Crofts, and the Paynes as well as Harry were expected. Avoiding Captain Tomlinson was going to be harder than he imagined.

Harry sat silently at the dining table, his dining table really, as he listened into the conversations. Even though he wasn’t looking in their direction, he could hear Louis speaking with Anton about naval ships. He wanted to roll his eyes, since Anton had no real interest in the Navy. He only pretended to be interested in some fixation in order to get closer with the men he wanted, and it was no doubt working on Louis. But there was one good thing, even if Louis were to avoid him forever. He was able to hear his voice again. That soft commanding voice he had. It made his heart flutter so.

“Are you two discussing your naval travels?” he heard Mr. Payne say next to him. He avoided a large sigh coming from him as he realized this was going to be a group discussion as of now. “Would you not share with the rest of us? I’ve been meaning to hear about your early days out on the sea.”

“Even though I wasn’t commanding him,” Admiral Croft said. “He made a wonderful impression on his commanders.”

“I tried my best, sir,” Louis said with a smile. “My first ship was in the year six, but you wouldn’t find her in any recent naval list as she was broken up for scrap. A great pile of rubbish she was when I was first given her, but she rose steady for a good year.”

Anton gasped. “And they let you out on a boat like that? How despicable!”

Louis shrugged. “They were not about to give their best ships to us new soldiers, so it was to be expected.”

“He is lucky to have had the career he earned so far,” the Admiral cut in. “With no prior connections to the navy, Captain Tomlinson truly earned his way up the ranks.”

“I felt my luck, I assure you Admiral. I enjoyed the position. In fact, I sorely enjoyed it. I badly wanted to be doing something in the year six.”

Harry couldn’t help but feel that was a jab at him. He was forking at his food, avoiding any eye contact as he listened.

“Of course you wanted to be away!” Admiral Croft said. “What’s an unmarried man to do ashore? If you are not getting married or starting a family, the sea life is the perfect place for a man.”

Without anyone noticing, Harry slumped back in his chair as his eyes were still cast down. Was this reminder really necessary? He looked up to see Louis staring intently at the admiral with a smile.

“You’re very right, Admiral. I had no husband,” he said pointedly as his took another sip of his wine. His eyes met with Harry’s over the rim, “in the year six.”

Harry’s eyes widened a bit before he rushed them down to stare at his plate again, his cheeks feeling flushed. Louis may be ignoring him, yet he still managed to get him flustered. Damn him.

***

A week later, Harry and Zayn were in the sitting room, doing a puzzle with Rachel. Her arm was in a sling now, and since she was very eager to get up, they decided to let her move around the house. Keeping her busy with puzzles was the safest way to go.

“Good morning, Zayn!” they heard a voice call from the window.

“Hello, Anton,” Zayn said as he turned to look. “Why are you gracing us with your presence at this time?”

Anton was known to sleep in on most days, never getting up before noon. So to see him so early was truly a surprise.

“I feel like going on a long walk, and thought you’d like to join? The weather is perfect for it.”

Zayn sighed. “Do you feel like going for a long walk, Harry? We can leave Rachel in the care of her nurse.”

Harry looked past him and did see a nice breeze flowing through the trees. The days were certainly cooler, and walks were the most appropriate for such a time.

“I would like it,” he said. Once they found their cloaks, they joined Anton outside and started to walk in the direction of the fields.

“Doesn’t the season make the trees so beautiful?” Anton remarked as they walked along.

The foliage was the most agreeable this time of year, with the leaves in their hues of reds and yellows and everything in between. Harry had even taken Anne outside earlier to have her catch some leaves to take inside for Rachel.

As they turned the corner on a deserted pathway near the edge of the town, the group found themselves face to face with Liam and Captain Tomlinson. Anton was the one leading them, so Harry assumed he planned to walk into them, as they never went this way to walk.

“Zayn!” Liam remarked happily, greeting him with a kiss. “I did not expect to find you here. We are just coming back from shooting.”

“Are either of you tired?” Anton piped up. “You are more than welcome to join us for our long walk.”

“Are you up for it, Louis?” Liam turned to ask. Zayn looked over at Harry, who was kicking a fallen twig on the ground.

“I could go for a long walk,” Louis replied. He offered his arm to Anton, who happily took it, while Zayn glanced back at Harry as Liam took him along. Harry could only huff as followed along, staying near the end of the group.

The autumn wind was cold against his cheeks, wetting his lips as the chill became cooler. He hugged his cloak a bit closer to his body, hoping to keep the chill out. He was the only one walking without someone by his arm, even if Zayn and Liam did look back to check on him now and then. At least he didn’t have to make small conversation with someone if they had given him a stranger to walk with, but at the same time he would have wanted someone to walk with. He was able to take his time walking, though, admiring the way the leaves were falling, or stopping to watch a chipmunk that scurried across his path.

As they walked along the wide fields, he noticed how Anton walked particularly close with Louis near the front of their group, and Harry could have sworn the captain had looked back to see if he was watching.

Eventually they reached the stream, and they each took turns crossing the narrow log to reach the other side. When it was Harry’s turn to go, he placed a foot over the log, hoping it wouldn’t sway. And just with his luck, it happened to roll with his weight, and his foot slipped to fall into the stream. He felt a burning pain by his ankle, and he flinched as he knew the rest of him would be drenched soon.

“Harry!” he heard Zayn call out as he fell. But instead of the cold tremor of the water he was expecting, he fell on the soft grass on the side he was intending to go. As he was opening his eyes, he saw a blurred silhouette of Louis leaning over him.

“Thank you for catching him, Louis!” Liam exclaimed. “He would have had a very nasty fall if you had not caught him on his way down.”

“It was no problem,” Louis said as he stood back up and walked away.

Harry watched as he went back to Anton, breathing heavy as the shock of the fall was still present on him.

With the help of Liam and Zayn, Harry was able to walk on his foot, though he knew he had sprained it somehow. They reached the edge of the forest, and a farm was sitting at the bottom of the hillside perched among the tall trees.

“I want to go visit Ruth,” Liam declared as he turned to Zayn. “Do you want to go as well?”

“I would love to but,” he turned towards his brother. “Harry will have to stay here and rest his foot for a bit. It will do him no good to go down this hill and climb back up it.”

“Louis and I can stay with him, Zayn!” Anton grinned. “You go on ahead and we shall all wait here for you.”

Zayn sent a frown towards Harry, but Liam was already guiding him down the hill. Harry winced in pain, mostly for his foot but also at the fact he was being left alone with Louis and Anton. All he could say was that there was a reason wanton rhymed with Anton.

Not wanting to witness any more of their flirting, he excused himself to walk back near the forest. He figured he could find a more comfortable spot to rest in, maybe a stump, away from sight. He needed a minute to watch his thoughts. And soon enough he was able to find a large stump to sit on. He sighed in relief as he sat down and lifted his foot to rest it on a nearby rock.

He settled down as he noticed how peaceful the scenery was, with the sunshine barely peeking through the forest ceiling of leaves, and if it did it created beautiful lights of colors on the earth. Harry closed his eyes as he listened to the sounds around him, knowing they would always calm him down if he ever felt scared. Before his mother died, she had told him that if he was ever fearful or he felt helpless, to go outside and listen to the sounds of the earth. She had told him that when she was pregnant with him and felt restless, she found that nature would be quick to relieve her anxiety. All this she would tell him right before he went to sleep, nestled against her chest. How he missed her so.

He heard the chirps of the birds above him, as if they were in lively conversation of the latest gossip from town. He saw another chipmunk sitting not to far from him, quickly munching away at a nut in his hands. The wind was making the leaves rustle, and when he opened his eyes, he saw a leaf slowly cascading down, eventually falling on his face. His mother had been right. He already felt his anxieties weaken.

But as he listened again, his nervousness grew again as he recognized the voices coming near him. Their boots were crunching on the leaves from the ground, growing louder as they made their way near him. Luckily, Harry was still out of sight behind the tree sitting on his stump. But he couldn’t help but listen in as he heard Louis’ voice speaking.

“You have met all the people of Kellynch?” he asked.

“His father is such despicable man,” Anton replied. “Only cares about the family name and goes on and on about it. Poor Harry and Niall, and Zayn of course, having to live with him all those years. I have no idea how they turned out so lovely after living with him. At least Zayn managed to escape to Liam, but those two are still stuck with their father.”

“I see,” Louis paused. “Is there any reason why Niall never married?”

“Well I heard a rumor he just likes his bachelor life and hasn’t found the perfect match for himself yet. I can’t imagine why a carrier would want to stay single, but at least that leaves more eligible men for me!”

“That’s one was to see it,” Louis chuckled. “And his brother?”

“You mean Harry?”

Louis must have nodded as Anton continued on.

“I don’t know why he has stayed unmarried. I remember Zayn remarking on how Harry has always wanted a family and how well he is with Rachel and Anne. I heard he’s refused at least three proposals over the years.”

“Three?” Louis gasped, more emotion in his voice that Harry had ever heard in him recently. “Three people have asked for his hand?”

“If I were Harry I would be offended on his part,” Anton laughed. “Do you not think him suitable for marriage? He is a handsome fellow.”

“I don’t mean offense,” he coughed. “I was just surprised. Three is a great number to be refusing. Do you know who they were?”

“I think Ruth told me at some point, since she was more into gossip than I was,” he paused to think. “The first one was from the son of a Baron who lived in London. He came to Kellynch once or twice and asked for Harry’s hand.”

Charles, Harry remembered. He appeared a year after Louis left him, a tall man with sand colored hair and rosy cheeks. He was nice, but he wasn’t Louis. Harry sent him away as soon as he could, not wanting to lead him on. He had told himself the only reason he had refused was because it was so close to his relationship with Louis, and he would accept the proposal of a man in the next year or so.

 “Then the next year a son of a wealthy Scottish family asked for his hand and Harry refused again.”

Andrew. He was the friend of an old school fellow who was visiting the area and happened to call at Kellynch once or twice. He had stricken up a friendship with Niall, who he still corresponds with, and met Harry along the way. He asked for his hand a month later, and he refused. Harry rationalized the rejection as simply not the man for him, nothing to do with Louis.

“And then two years after that was a man from a family that lived near Milton.”

John. Probably the nicest of his suitors, and the most understanding. Once Harry refused him, he made an effort to understand why instead of rebuffing him for hurting his pride, and Harry told him about Louis. John had left Kellynch with the wish that Harry and Louis would one day be reunited. It was from that day on that Harry realized he could not accept the marriage of any suitor. He had already had the perfect match for him, and there was no one who could ever rival him. He would rather die unmarried than marry someone other than Louis. It was pitiful, but it was what he wanted.

“Did he give any reason for refusing them?”

Anton shrugged. “Not that I know of. I heard they were all handsome, so who knows why Harry would have rejected them all! He could have been a married man with children by now. Everyone knows that where he belongs. Married and with a family, not cooped up in his father’s house wasting away.”

“I guess he could have,” Louis replied. Harry hoped he wasn’t imagining the softness in his tone.

“Well enough about boring Harry,” Anton laughed. “Come on! Let’s go see if we can find some more nuts by that hedgerow.”

Harry could hear the sound of the leaves crunching growing fainter and fainter with every step away. Once he felt it was safe, he stepped out from behind the tree. He doesn’t know whether to be happy or thrilled that Louis knew of his past rejections. Did he expect others to know of his own rejection of his? Maybe he thought he would have told the entire county that he rejected him all those years ago. Maybe that’s why he resents him so.

It was all that was on his mind once Liam and Zayn returned from the Hayter house. While the couples walked side by side as they made their way back to Uppercross, Harry could still only think of the conversation. At least it was taking his mind off the pain he felt in his ankle, which caused him to limp as he lagged behind them.

A horse drawn carriage came into view on the road, and once it stopped they saw it was Admiral and Mrs. Croft.

“Hello all!” the Admiral said cheerfully.

“Hello, brother,” Louise greeted Louis. “We thought we might find your party as we rode along. We’re just on our way back to Kellynch, but there’s room for one more next to me! Would anyone like a ride?”

“I’m fine to walk,” Zayn said as he leaned over to Liam. “And if I get too tired, I know Liam will carry me.”

“Of course I would,” Liam said quickly. “Do you need me to pick you up now?”

The group laughed at their charm.

Louis walked over to the carriage, Harry watching closely as he watched Louise lean forward to hear his whisper. Once her eyes met his he quickly looked away, hoping she didn’t take it as eavesdropping. He had enough of that today.

“Harry?” she called out. “Would you not like to ride with us? You could get off that bad ankle of yours!”

“Oh no,” he said quickly. “I do not want to be any trouble.”

But before he knew it, he felt a hand at the base of his back and was gently being pushed towards the cart. He turned to find Louis right behind him, not meeting his eye and staring intently on his sister. Harry forgot how to breathe at that moment.

And, as if Louis truly wanted to kill him, he placed his hand on his waist to hoist him up the seat once Louise grabbed his hand. Harry carefully placed himself at the edge of the seat, hoping to take as little space as possible. He was sure there was a great blush to his cheeks as well.

As the cart drove off, he looked back to see Louis watching them ride away before turning back to the group and offering Anton his arm.

He heard the Admiral and Louise talking, but he was still trying to recover from his sudden touch. It did not help that he actually found himself a bit hard after it, discreetly adjusting himself. How could Louis have such an affect on him after all this time? A simple touch and he is ready to shed all his inhibitions to sleep with him again. He knew he was better than that. At least he thought he was.

***

Once they were all back at the Great House, Zayn started to tend to Harry’s ankle near the back of the room.

“You have to learn to watch where you step,” Zayn said. “Now I know where Rachel gets her clumsiness from.”

“Don’t mock our gracefulness,” Harry giggled as he lay back on the sofa. The maids had brought them all steaming hot tea, and he was so grateful to have something warm in his belly after the cold walk. He enjoyed the scent of the tea as he took a whiff, loving the warm sweetness on his tongue.

“Do you need anything, Zayn?”

Harry’s eyes shot open as he recognized the voice, trying to sit up a bit more as Zayn tried to hold his calf firm.

“Don’t squirm, Harry! You’ll ruin the bandage!” Zayn scolded before looking up. “Hello, Captain Tomlinson. I’m grateful for your offer, but the maids managed to bring everything I needed.”

“Very well,” he nodded before picking up a letter from a nearby table and walking over to sit by the fire. Harry swallowed hard while Zayn eyed him as he continued to bandage his ankle.

“How far is Lyme from here?” Louis asked Liam suddenly, who was sitting across from him.

“About 15 miles. Why do you ask?”

“I have a dear friend, Captain Rodgers, who lives in Lyme. I have been meaning to visit him for some time now, so I shall make the trip next week to go see him.”

“To Lyme!” Anton said. “We haven’t been there in ages.”

“Would you all like to come along?” Louis said, angling his head as if to speak to Zayn and Harry as well.

“We would be delighted to!” Liam said. “I think it would be a wonderful treat for Harry as well, since he is to leave us for Bath once Christmas celebrations are over.”

That’s right. He was to leave right after Christmas, and that was a few weeks away. He nodded with a small smile to Zayn, who had cocked an eyebrow at him, a silent question asking if he was willing to join them.

“Then it is settled,” Louis smiled. “We shall all make the trip to Lyme next week. I must warn you however. Captain Rogers has another friend of ours residing with him, a Captain Oli Wright. Wright was due to marry Rodgers sister, Fanny, last year. But she died while we were still at sea, and Wright had been heartbroken ever since. So do approach him with caution in that regard, and he is still very sensitive to the matter and has been in a quite depressive state for some time. Lost love is meant to be grieved for as long as it takes.”

Harry briefly met his eyes as Louis looked back at him, quickly darting them back to his tea. Even if he hated to admit it, it still sent ripples through his body to feel his gaze on him. How good it felt, and yet so wrong.

***

Harry bent over to pick up a shell. He cradled it in his hand as he studied it. It was a white conch shell, with pink stripes lightly glazing the side of it. He heard laughter and looked up to see Liam and Zayn running towards the water with Rachel and Anne between them, their little feet trying to catch up with their parents. Rachel was recovering splendidly, her arm still in a sling yet she was still bursting with energy. She could walk easily now, and her parents knew the sea air would do her well.

It was the late afternoon, before the sun would start its descent to the other side of the world, but the sky was still filled with a mixture of orange paint brush streaks. Seagulls were flying in groups far away from where he was standing, their shadows following them over the water. It looked like a true autumn sky.

“It’s so beautiful,” he whispered, gazing on to the never-ending ocean.

“It is, isn’t it?” he heard next to him, and turned to find that Louis was standing right there, almost shoulder to shoulder. “It’s so easy to fall in love with the sea. Ever changing, her waves coming and going. At least change is expected there. No broken promises of those who are constant in change.”

Harry met his eyes before walking a few feet away. He didn’t need Louis reminding him of what they lost together, in metaphors or what not. He might as well have stayed at sea if he loved it so much. Be a pirate or something.

He picked up another shell, this time a smaller one that had black and orange stripes, as if a tiger had rested it’s coat on it. He turned to see if Louis was still there and found him embracing with what appeared to be other naval men. They were laughing with each other as they hugged, clearly glad to be reunited.

Liam and Zayn walked over as Anton stayed by the waters to play with Rachel and Anne.

“Please, allow me to introduce you to my most trusted companions: Captain Rodgers and Captain Wright. We sailed together for many tides, and I could not have found better friends while I was at sea.”

“Pleasure to meet you all,” Captain Rodgers said while Captain Wright gave them a small nod. They all decided to walk back to the pier together, Anton beside Captain Tomlinson as he spoke with Captain Rodgers, the Paynes carrying their children in their arms. Harry was left near the back yet again, but by his side was Captain Wright. He remembered Louis’ warning about him and decided to strike up a conversation to distract him.

“Captain Wright, what do you do in your spare time?” he asked in his direction.

“I read,” he said simply.

Harry nodded. “And what do you read, Captain Wright?”

“Poetry.”

“I think we are living in a great age of poetry,” Harry remarked, smiling as he remembered the latest book of verse he read.

“Do you read too, Mr. Harry?” Wright said, more alert and a hint of a smile on his face. “Tell me, do you prefer Byron or Scott?”

Harry thought quickly as he tried to remember which his favorites were. “ _They make such barbarous mirth the while, As best might to the mind recall, The boisterous joys of Odin’s hall.”_

“Marion!” Wright exclaimed. “Scott’s work is truly a treasure.”

“I’m glad to hear you like him as well,” Harry replied. He managed to get a smile out of him, and that’s really all he wanted. And if someone wanted to talk poetry, he was more than happy to.

They spent the remainder of their walk discussing new poems that were published, and they agreed Byron was the melancholiest. Lord Corden would often give him books of verse that were gifted to him, and Harry had grown a great fondness for the literature. By the time they reached the pier and Captain Rodgers decided him and Captain Wright were to go home, Harry was able to have Wright laughing with him. He even found Louis eyeing him as they said their goodbyes.

“Enjoy your walk, Harry?” Zayn asked as he walked next to Harry, carrying his youngest in his arms. Liam was up ahead chasing Rachel around, claiming that she saw a butterfly and wanted to show him.

“I remembered what Louis had said about his unfortunate situation, and I wanted to bring a smile to his face. Apparently, he reads a considerable amount of poetry, even more than me, and it seemed logical to talk about it with him. He just needs some enjoyment in life.”

At that moment, Harry’s handkerchief flew out of his coat pocket and began to blow away in the wind.

“Goodness,” he muttered as he ran to catch it. He stopped as he saw a man pick up the piece of cloth that had landed by his legs. Harry quickly ran up to him.

“Is this yours?” the man said as he held it up. He was a rather tall man, with dark black hair that was styled rather fashionably. His clothing looked expensive as well, judging by the fabrics and embellishments. Harry blinked back at him.

“Yes,” he breathed out. “Thank you for catching it! I thought I never would.”

“Harry you can’t just-” Zayn said beside him, Anne still in his arms and clearly enjoying the movement. “Oh. Thank you, sir. Now if you excuse us.”

He quickly grabbed Harry’s arm and pulled him in the direction of their group, who had stopped to wait for them.

“Do you know who he was?” Harry said as he tried to glance back.

“I haven’t the slightest idea. But I did not feel a welcoming presence with him. It’s always best to keep away from strangers, Harry.”

Harry shrugged as he glanced back, and he realized the man was still standing there watching. He wouldn’t say meeting all strangers is bad. He found a stranger once, and it turned out to be the love of his life. Maybe Zayn was wrong about this one too.

***

Harry did not expect to enjoy his time at Lyme, but he found himself appreciating every second of it. The sea air, the food, the people were all exquisite. He went for walks every morning before breakfast, usually with Zayn or Captain Wright, enjoying how the salty sea wind blew in his face. He sometimes saw the man again on his walks, exchanging words here and there as they passed each other.

Sometimes they even crossed paths with Captain Tomlinson and Anton on their walks, Louis’ jaw slightly more clenched when he had Wright next to him. Harry couldn’t discern what that was about, so he didn’t bother himself with it. Louis could talk to him if he wanted, but he hadn’t made an effort in these past weeks to be cordial. They could at the very least be acquaintances, but even that was too much of an effort for Captain Tomlinson.

He was enjoying his time with Captain Wright, especially when the others were covering topics he had no care for. But as they sat at a table at a pub one night, Wright began to drink more. And when he drank he began to recite the depressing poetry Harry tried to avoid.

“Are you sure you should be reading that type of poetry, Captain Wright? Perhaps some poems that would not sadden you so.”

“I appreciate your concern, Mr. Harry, but I cannot just stop grieving for Fanny. She was the love of my life, and I never got to marry her. You have no conception over what I have lost.”

Harry looked down at his hands and then stared him in the eyes. “Oh, but I do, Captain, I do,” he said softly.

Harry may have remembered what lost love felt like, but he didn’t know Louis was carefully watching their encounter from across the table, smoking on his cigar as he gazed on intently.

***

The next morning, they said their goodbyes to Captain Rodgers and his family, as well as Captain Wright, who promised to write to Harry to continue their verse discussions. Harry rode in the carriage ride home with Anton next to him, who was sitting staring out the window trying to catch a glance of Captain Tomlinson on his horse.

Even though he had no right to feel this way, he couldn’t help feeling a bit of jealousy at the way he saw Anton so openly put his attentions to Louis. It’s not like Anton had any idea of what had happened between them in the past, but he had a feeling that still wouldn’t have stopped his pursuit. Harry could only mope beside him, hoping he wouldn’t have to spend another second next to him.

Once they arrived at Uppercross, they all were invited for an afternoon lunch at the Great House, as Mr. and Mrs. Payne wanted to hear about all their adventures in Lyme. The Crofts also happened to be there, who often visited the Paynes while they were away.

Harry sat as far as possible away from Louis, who was sitting near the end of the table with Anton at his opposite. He tried his best to ignore any part of their conversation, and his sister gave him the perfect excuse.

“Harry?” she said once she took a sip of her drink. “I have been meaning to ask you something.”

He tried not to panic. Has Louis told her about their engagement? Was she going to confront him? Resentful he might be, but Harry assumed his sister wouldn’t confront him while they shared a meal.

“Yes, Mrs. Croft?” he gulped.

“I hope you don’t find this intruding on our part,” Mrs. Croft replied, “but would you like to spend Christmas with us? I don’t know if you may find it different since the rest of your family isn’t here, but Kellynch is such a big home, and we would love for the Paynes and yourself to join us.”

And yet again his mind had assumed the worst. He was going to spend Christmas with Lord Corden, but this was a much better idea. At least he would get to be with his brother at Kellynch after so long. That also meant he had to spend even more time with Louis. He didn’t know how to feel about that.  

“It would be an honor, Mrs. Croft. I thank you for your invitation.”

“Splendid!” she cheered. “We shall have a grand Christmas together then. Did you hear that, husband? Harry will join us as well!”

The rest of the table cheered and started to converse about the holiday preparations as Harry smiled to himself and finished his meal. He looked around the table to see everyone laughing or talking of what dishes they would like to have prepared for Christmas dinner. As he finished glancing around, he realized Louis was staring directly at him. They held their glance until something seemed to snap in Louis and he hastily turned away, remarking about something with Anton. He didn’t know whether to look forward to this Christmas season or not.

***

Harry couldn’t remember the last time that Christmas was so joyous at Kellynch. There were garlands strung all over the house, and Liam had even brought in a small tree that they were supposed to decorate with silver string and put presents in. Harry had the most fun taking the girls around the house to help decorate, showing them all the best places they could play in.

Today, he spent his day around the house with Rachel right behind him, retelling a story she had read about when he showed them the library. They were walking to one of the sitting rooms when her story ended once she stopped in her tracks and asked him to stop as well.

“Uncle Harru?” she said. “What’s that?”

Harry looked up to what she was pointing at, and saw the green garland hanging from the door frame.

“That is a mistletoe, my dear.”

“What’s it there for? Such a funny place to put it.”

“You’re right,” Harry giggled. “It’s for people to kiss under. If two people are under it, they have to kiss.”

“Really? I should bring Papa and Father under it. They always like to give kisses to each other.”

“Do they now,” Harry chuckled as he hoisted her up in his arms so she could try to touch the mistletoe. He had no doubt Liam and Zayn were openly affectionate in front of their children. He had seen enough of their affection as they grew up and didn’t plan to see anymore.

They heard footsteps approaching, and when they turned their heads to the other entrance they saw Captain Tomlinson standing there looking a bit surprised.

“Oh sorry-” he muttered as he turned to step away.

“Hello, Captain Tomlinson!” Rachel greeted. “My uncle was just telling me about mistletoe. Would you like to know as well?”

“Was he?” he said with a small smile. “I would love to know what he taught you.”

“Yes!” she hopped out of Harry’s arms and ran over to grab Louis’ hand, pulling him towards Harry until they were closer than they’d ever been all season, chest to chest and their bodies too close for comfort. Harry’s heart started to rabbit in his chest.

“Now you two have to kiss!” Rachel squealed.

Harry’s eyes grew wide as he watched a faint blush on Louis’ cheeks, who somehow wasn’t as startled as Harry would have thought. “Oh no, Rachel,” he cleared his throat. “Not everyone has to do it!”

“It’s for married people only,” Louis said as he looked down at the girl. “Or else everyone would be kissing under this.”

Harry felt his heart sink a bit before swallowing. “Exactly,’ he said softly. “Only married folk. That is why your Father and Papa can.”

Rachel paused in thought and nodded in agreement. “Then I guess you two need to be engaged to marry! Then you can kiss under the mistletoe.”

Louis let out a breath as he looked away while Harry chewed as his lower lip. “No, darling,” he sighed. “We aren’t getting engaged just to kiss. How about you bring your parents under this mistletoe or another one in the house, so you can demand they do it?”

“Yes! Good idea, Uncle Harru. I’ll be right back!”

They both watched as the little girl rushed out of the room. Harry looked as long as he could. He was dreading having to face him again, after _that_ sore subject was brought up, and finally turned towards the other man.

“Sorry for that,” Harry whispered without meeting his eyes. “The girls just say whatever comes to their mind sometimes. And I didn’t know you would be coming. I’ll leave now.” He held his gaze down as he turned but was stopped from fully turning once he felt a strong hand on his elbow keeping him there.

“Would you have kissed me if I hadn’t saved us?” he heard him ask.

Harry couldn’t even answer, as his focus was on how firm yet gently Louis was holding him, the heat from his hand melting through the fabric of his shirt and reached his own skin. Louis followed his eye sight and realized what he was doing, quickly drawing his hand back as he if he had touched a flame.

Harry took a deep breath and met his eyes for the first time. “Would my answer even matter to you?” he said softly. He didn’t let him answer, opting to walk away instead. He didn’t want to know what he would have answered anyway. Any response would have still been heartbreaking.

***

“Rachel told me you and Captain Tomlinson were standing under the mistletoe?” Harry joined Zayn and Liam in one of the libraries, as they had requested he join them for an afternoon tea.

Harry sighed. “She put us there. And she wanted us to kiss,” he recounted as brought his arms across his chest to give himself a sort of hug.  

Zayn’s eyes widened. “And she um-“ he let out another sigh. “she said we should get engaged to marry so we could kiss under the mistletoe.”

“Why does it look like it troubles you so, Harry?” Liam chuckled. “Is it that offensive to think of being engaged to Louis?”

Harry closed his eyes and scrunched his nose, feeling the tear roll down his cheek.

“Oh, Harry,” Zayn said as he walked over to him and wrapped him in his arms.

“I’m sorry, Harry. Does he really offend you? I would have not said that if I had known.”

“I think you should tell him,” Zayn whispered. Harry nodded as he wiped his nose. “I think it’s better if we are all seated for this.”

Liam and Zayn took the seats across from him as they sat by the fire.

“You may have noticed that Louis avoids me when possible, Liam. And it’s not a lack of introduction or knowing that he does this.”

“What do you mean?”

Harry took a deep breath before continuing. “I was engaged to Lou-“ he blushed as he remembered the formality. “to Captain Tomlinson. Some years ago. Five years to be exact.”

Liam’s jaw dropped, frowning a bit as he looked between them. “Engaged? You were engaged to be married with him?”

Harry nodded. “In the year six. He had arrived in the winter to his brother’s house, and I had come across his path a few days after his arrival. We were inseparable after that, and eventually fell in love. He proposed to me, and I accepted.”

“But… you two are not a couple. I would have thought he met a stranger when he met you on that one morning at our cottage.”

“I had to break it off the day after he proposed,” he said softly. “We had spent the night together, and the next day my father made me break off the engagement.”

“You consummated it?” Liam asked.

A flush appeared on his cheeks, and he nodded slowly.

“You told me nothing happened!” Zayn yelled.

Harry sighed as he looked over at his brother. “I stayed the entire night in his home and didn’t get back to my room until dawn. What did you think we were doing, Zayn?”

Zayn narrowed his eyes. “No wonder you couldn’t walk straight the next time I saw you,” he grumbled. “How could you do that, Harry? What if you made a child?”

“You could have been unmarried and with a baby!” Liam exclaimed.

“I didn’t think I was going to be unmarried!” he shouted, startling them. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he rubbed his nose with the back of his hand. “We thought we would have been married after that. Besides, you two should not be throwing any stones about pregnancies before marriage.”

Zayn blushed as Liam started to babble. “Just finish your story!” Zayn hissed.

“I went to see father after that, after telling Mr. Corden. We didn’t think he’d care for who I married,” he looked down at his hand, imaging the wedding band that would have sat on his finger. “Apparently he did. Told me to break it off or he will.”

A tear rolled down his cheek. “I had to tell him that afternoon, and his face was something I never want to see again or be the cause of it. He was furious, and he left me by the oak. I thought he would at least come back one more time - at least to say goodbye - but then his brother, kind soul he is, sent me a letter saying Louis had left to go to the Navy already.”

“And you haven’t seen him since then?”

Harry shook his head. “When you brought him that morning? That was the first time I saw him in six years. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole at that moment.”

“Oh, Harry,” Liam said softly. “If only I had known! I would have never brought him here or anywhere near you.”

“I don’t blame you, Liam. Besides the rest of my family, no one knows about our history. I would prefer it stays that way. I am not even sure if his sister knows.”

“You think he never told her?”

“She still treats me with great affability. I don’t suspect he has. I believe she wouldn’t be so nice to the man that broke her brother’s heart.”

“I see,” Liam said. “Well let’s get through his holiday together and you shall be away from him before you know it. I am still in a bit of shock at knowing what happened between you two, but I believe all will be well in the end. Just you wait, Harry.”

“I hope you’re right, Li,” he said with a smile. It felt good to tell someone other than his immediate family, especially after not speaking about it for so long.

“You know,” Zayn said as he stood up, “I promised Rachel I would help her bake some Christmas treats for the family to eat at dinner. Want to join us, Harry?”

As he helped cut the fruits for the tart, he realized how much he missed baking. He had done it a lot growing up, always making a new dish and asking his older brothers to taste. He even made some for Louis, who was always around to help him if needed. Once Louis had left, he lost the will to bake anymore, not being able to find the joy in it. But seeing how happily Zayn and his family baked around him, he knew he wanted to try again. His heart was ready.

***

“Oh- Happy Christmas, Harry.”

Harry looked up from his book to find Louis standing by the doorframe of his library. He blinked as he tried to realize this wasn’t a dream.

“Is it not too early for you to be up?” the older man asked him.

“I wanted to read before the others arrived,” Harry said with a shrug, a small smile to his face.

With Louis’ presence in the library, he was suddenly filled with the memories they made in this very room. The one morning Louis brought him fresh flowers from the garden. The afternoon where Louis brought him a poetry book. The time they tumbled down to the carpet, forgetting their book, and found pleasure in each other’s bodies instead. It was the first time Harry came in his pants, and, instead of teasing him like he thought he would, Louis gave him soft kisses around his face, telling him not to be embarrassed.

This was also the very room Louis had first professed his love for him, and it started out very much like the positions they were in now. Except they were much older, grown men now. Louis would often wear his captains’ uniform, but he was standing there with just a simple wool shirt.

Harry realized Louis hadn’t replied, and he was simply reliving his memories as Louis simply stood there.

“I remember,” Louis said softly, and before Harry could answer. Remember what? Had he said any of the memories out loud? No. He would have heard. But what did he remember?

Resigned to never know, Harry let out a sigh. “Happy Christmas, Louis,” he whispered, knowing he would never hear it.

***

Christmas Day was filled with much joy, as they enjoyed exchanging presents before sitting down to eat the delicious supper that the cooks had prepared. Once they finished, the Paynes suggested that they do a bit of dancing in the ballroom, and since Harry had never been one to dance, he played the piano as the rest enjoyed themselves to the music.

Drinks were flowing, the fire was roaring, and everyone seemed to be having an enjoyable time. Until Anton collapsed on one of the seats and refused to get up.

“Anton has drunk so much wine he cannot stand up straight,” Liam huffed. “Stupid fool. I’m sorry your dance partner was taken away like that, Louis.”

“I’m fine,” Louis smirked, leaning against a column.

“Oh but the Captain cannot be without a partner!” Mrs. Payne exclaimed. “Harry, why don’t you let me play the piano while Mr. Payne has a rest, and you be Captain Tomlinson’s partner? You need to get on your feet more.”

“Oh no Mrs. Payne I-”

“I would be very pleased with that,” Louis cut in, smiling at the woman. “You and your husband deserve to have your feet rested.”

Harry blinked at him, slowly getting up from his seat as he took his place across from Louis. They bowed to each other before the lively dance started, Harry luckily remembering the steps he learned so long ago.  

“You look lovely,” Louis whispered when they were close.

He wishes a simple compliment wouldn’t have tears rushing to his eyes as he heard it, but it did. He missed Louis. He missed feeling this close to him, inhaling his scent after so long. Having to act as if they are strangers that have just met, no history in life. And he had put some thought into this clothing for today, sporting a red coat that he thought he would never wear. Was he complimenting him over that? A small part of him hoped he might.

“Thank you,” Harry replied. And for the very first time, in probably years, Harry witnessed Louis give him a smile. A small one, but still a smile that was directed at him, and solely for him.

***

“Goodbye, Harry!”

The day had come for Harry to leave for Bath, and they had all gathered in front of the Great House to see him off. He hugged and kissed all his loved ones, promising them he would write soon. Once he was standing in front of Louis, he met his eyes, holding the glance a little longer than he should.

“Goodbye, Captain Tomlinson,” he said with a nod.

“Goodbye, Mr. Harry. I hope Bath treats you well.”

Harry hoped it would too. Now Captain Tomlinson was behind him; he had survived. Realized he was able to face him after all these years and emerge even stronger. Maybe one day they would be able to be friends. Even if they had been lovers, they had been best friends first. Hopefully Louis would still want that.

***

Once he arrived in Bath, the weather was already beginning to affect his mood. He had enjoyed rain at some point in his life, but now it was just a bother. The weather at Lyme or Uppercross was much more enjoyable, with their cool breezes or even a light snowfall. A heavy downfall had begun just as his carriage pulled into Bath, and he arrived soaking wet at the doorstep of his father’s home in the Royal Crescent.

“Harry!” Niall called out as he ran down the stairs to greet him. “I’m so happy you’re here!”

“I missed you too, Niall,” Harry said as he hugged him tightly, the other man clearly not caring for his saturated state.

“How was Zayn and Liam? And the girls? All well I hope?” Niall asked quickly.

Harry nodded his head. “All well indeed. They send you their regards and hopes you will send them a letter soon to catch up. Which reminds me,” he said as he shrugged off his soaking coat, “Any news that you didn’t mention in your letters?”

Niall thought for a moment. “Oh! There is actually very important news that I only learned about yesterday!”

“Oh?” Harry raised an eyebrow. “Do tell.”

“Do you remember our cousin, Mr. Grimshaw?”

“The one that is to inherit the estate because he is not a carrier like us?” Harry scoffed.

“Yes! Well, Father is on speaking terms again with him. They have reconciled!”

“You’re joking with me,” Harry scoffed. “After all the despicable things they’ve said about each other over the years? Impossible.”

“Well believe in the impossible, my brother. Mr. Grimshaw came a few days ago to apologize profusely for his past behavior. After much groveling, Father accepted his apology!”

“So,” Harry tried to process this new information as best he could with a quizzical brow, “they are on good terms now?”

“Exactly. In fact, Mr. Grimshaw will call on us this afternoon. He has truly turned a new leaf.”

“You’ve met him then? How is he like?”

“Most agreeable. Has all the proper manners of a gentlemen. Carries a lively conversation when needed. I would say he is quite the charmer.”

“You should marry him then,” he chuckled as he took off his gloves.

“Do not jest like that,” Niall shuddered.  “I said he was agreeable, but much too old for me. He looks closer to father’s age than anyone.”

Harry laughed as he followed Niall up the stairs. “Well, let me rest for a few hours and then I shall accompany you wherever you need, Niall.”

“Take your time, Harry,” Niall replied. “Just remember that you _will_ tell me everything that happened during your time at Uppercross. I know Louis spent the entire season there with his sister and I know you two must have interacted. I expect a full account of what happened.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Yes, mother,” he chided before heading off to his room.

***

The next few days were spent shopping and visiting relatives in the area. They had a couple of aunts who resided in Bath, and Niall wanted to visit them with Harry. Rich aunts gave rich welcome gifts, and Niall was not one to deny their generosity even if Harry did not want it. They spent other days simply resting at the house, and today was no exception. As Harry sat in the sitting room reading his new poetry book, he heard a knock on the door.

“That must be Mr. Grimshaw!” Niall shouted as he sat up. Their father walked in as he heard the front door, eager to see their new guest as well.

“Mr. Nicholas Grimshaw,” the butler announced. Harry gasped as he recognized the face. The man from Lyme! The man who he had run into many times. The man who picked up his handkerchief.

“Hello, Mr. Harry,” he greeted. “I believe we have met before.”

“Have you?” his father asked. “When? I know you have not met my boys in your lifetime.”

“We have met before, Father,” Harry said. “Back in Lyme.

Mr. Grimshaw nodded along. “I had the pleasure of running into your son during my brief stay there before I traveled to Bath. I apologize for not properly introducing myself.”

“I take no offense, sir,” Harry said with a smile. The man seemed decent. Zayn had said to be wary of strangers, but he wasn’t a stranger anymore. If fact, he turned out to be a cousin of his. Distant cousin at that, but still family after all.

If he got to know him well enough, Harry wouldn’t mind spending some of his free days with him.

***

“Harry, I hope your calendar is clear for today,” his father said at breakfast a few days later. “We are to be presented to our rich cousins, and it is always nice to keep family relations well, as Mr. Grimshaw has learned.”

“I have to meet an old school friend at Westgate buildings,” Harry said as he cleaned his mouth with a napkin, “but I shall be back in time to accompany you all.”

“Westgate buildings?” Sir Walter scoffed, the disgust clear in his voice. “You are to go to Westgate buildings?”

“Yes,” Harry nodded as he looked at Niall. “I have a friend who lives there. I wrote to him once I came to bath, and he asked for me to visit him as he in immobile and I plan to do so.”

Sir Walter rolled his eyes. “Always there for the sick and poor unhappy slobs, Harry. Where did you even get this notion to help people.”

Harry got up from the table, ignoring any other jabs his father may have made at him and left to go see his friend. Ed lived in Westgate buildings, and, as his father pointed out, the area did not have the best reputation within Bath. A lot of poor folk lived there, and definitely no one of importance would be seen there. But Harry did not care. Ed had been a friend of his when he lived near Kellynch when they were younger, and he wanted to continue any lasting friendships he enjoyed in life.

Once he was let in, he was directed to a small apartment upstairs and gently knocked on the door once he made his way up. A large man opened the door, eyeing him. “May I help you, sir?”

“I’m here to see, Ed,” Harry almost whispered, fearing that any wrong move would result in the man crushing his skull with his pinky finger.

“Just let him through, Kev.”

The man grumbled as turned to the side and allowed him in. Ed was sitting by the fireplace holding a tea cup, probably from the same kettle that was boiling over the crackling fire. There was a faded navy wool blanket over his lap, looking comfortable with his red shawl.

“Harry!” the red-haired man said. “I’m so happy you’ve come to call on me. Please take a seat,” he nodded towards the chair opposite him. “Can you give him a cup of tea, Kev?”

“I am always happy to visit old friends,” Harry said, thanking the man after he handed him a hot cup. “How have you been?”

“Very well actually. My husband didn’t leave me much money after he died, and most of it goes to pay for Kevin’s company! He helps me throughout the day since I cannot walk on my own, but I still find my happy spirits throughout it.”

“I’m very glad to hear that, Ed,” Harry said with a smile.

“And you know what other perks Kev has? He brings me all the delicious gossip that he hears around Bath.”

“Do you now, Mr. Kevin?” Harry chuckled. He knew Bath was a place for social life, but he knew that entailed gossip as well.

The larger man shrugged. “I do what I can to keep the master entertained. I help other, much richer families in Bath, and keeping my ears open allows me to know the latest in gossip.”

“Have you heard anything about my friend here?” Ed grinned as he drank his tea.

“Of course I have!” he huffed. “I heard that Mr. Grimshaw is particularly interested in him.”

“You have?” Harry scoffed. “From who? We spent some days together, but I see him as nothing more than a family member,” he paused. “Have you heard anything about Admiral Croft or his family?”

Kev laughed. “Fishing for information about your Captain Tomlinson aren’t ya, boy?”

Harry blushed as Ed giggled. “How did you know about that?”

“Kev heard of the captain a few days ago from one of his friends, some naval men I think, and asked me if I knew anything about him. Obviously, I had to tell of your little engagement from all those years ago, and you just made Kev wealthier by 2 pence.”

Harry watched as Ed drew out a small purse and gave a few coins to Kev.

“You were having a wager on me?” Harry said with a raised brow.

Ed shrugged. “After I told Kev your story, he thinks you would still care for the Captain after all this time. I said that you probably found someone else. We wagered on whether or not you would be asking for gossip on any of his family members, and by extension him, so Kev won in the end,” Ed shook his head. “Your romantic head always gets me into trouble.”

“I am not still in love with him!”

“Harry,” Ed cut in. “We didn’t say you were in love. Just that you cared for him. But since love was the first thing on your mind, I believe Kev might be onto something.”

Harry groaned as he hung his head. “Please ignore everything that comes out of my mouth. I did not mean it like that.”

“What ever helps you sleep better,” Ed said as he stirred his tea. “You’ll find that there are no secrets in Bath, Harry, so watch everything you do.”

***

“The Paynes have arrived, Mr. Harry,” the maid announced, and Harry was rushing out of his room before she could finish her sentence. Liam had sent him a letter explaining how they were to arrive in Bath soon, as he wanted to visit a local doctor. They would be leaving the girls with their grandparents, so it will hopefully be a brief stay before he misses them too much.

“Zayn! Liam!” he called out as he saw Zayn taking his coat off. He practically ran down the stairs to properly greet them.

“Hello, Harry,” Zayn said as he hugged him quickly. “I’m so happy to see you!”

“I’m so happy to see you both,” Harry grinned as he went to hug Liam. “How are you both?”

“Very well actually,” Liam said. “But I have an appointment with a creditor in a few minutes so I’m sorry to leave you both. I promise to be back in time for supper.”

“Okay, love,” Zayn said as he kissed him goodbye. “Take your time.”

They both watched Liam left through the front door and closed it.

“Liam said in his letter that you were unwell?” Harry suddenly remembered. “Are you alright?”

“It’s good that Liam has left then,” Zayn said with a small smile.

“What do you mean?”

Zayn looked around before continuing. “I believe I’m expecting again!”

Harry’s jaw dropped. “Expecting? As in you have another child on the way?”

Zayn eagerly nodded. “Yes! That’s why I convinced Liam to come to Bath. I want to visit some of the doctors that reside here and see if it is for certain. I don’t know for sure but,” he put a hand over his stomach, “I so hope it’s true. And I have a feeling it might be a son.”

“A son? Has Liam been wanting one?”

“Not that he’s ever mentioned it. He adores Rachel and Anne to no end, but another child wouldn’t do us any harm. I think Anne is tired of being the baby and would like another friend as well.”

“Well I wish you all the happiness, Zayn,” Harry cheered. “I cannot wait to be an uncle once again!”

“When are you going to tell Liam?”

“As soon as the doctors confirm it. I have an appointment tomorrow morning, and that’s where you come in. Can you do me a favor?”

“Anything!”

“Can you keep Liam busy tomorrow in the morning? Take him out while I am at the doctors. I do not want him suspecting where I am.”

“That’s perfect. Now,” he glanced upstairs. “Should we go tell Niall the wonderful news? He was the last to find out when you were expecting Anne and I think he will be very cross again if we do not tell him sooner.”

“I believe you are right,” Zayn giggled as he took Harry’s arm. “Let’s go up then.”

***

“We can talk about another subject if you like, but I do wonder sometimes. Did you never marry because of what happened with Louis? And I know you had suitors.”

Harry sighed as he placed his macaroon back on the plate in front of him. He had managed to bring Liam along without suspecting where Zayn had gone off too, but Liam also took this as an opportunity to ask him about Louis. “I think in a subconscious way, I might have at the beginning. But as the years went on I knew I could never marry anyone but him. It’s just that… if you were not able to marry Zayn and had to choose someone else, what would you have done?”

“No one compares to Zayn,” he said firmly. “I fell in love with him as we grew up together, and I cannot imagine having someone else as a husband for the rest of my life. I only wanted him.”

Harry gave him a soft smile as he poked at the macaroon. “Exactly,” he whispered.

“Are you saying what you had with Louis is comparable to what I feel for Zayn? You actually loved him?”

“My heart hasn’t tried to mend itself all these years for me to say I never loved him deeply, Liam.”

“Oh, Harry,” he said softly. “I’m sorry.”

“I’ve long resigned myself to it,” he said as he faked a smile. “I did not expect to see him - or be in such close quarters with him - this past season, but I managed and came out stronger. Now I never have to see him again, and we can live our lives as they once were.”

“You might want to think about that again,” Liam said.

Harry frowned as he followed his gaze and gasped audibly.

Outside of the window, the pouring rain was beating against the glass. But as clear as day, he could see who was walking on the other side. He lost all train of thought as he watched Captain Tomlinson strolling through along the street in front of the store, an umbrella in his hand shielding him from the bitter rain.

He found himself holding his breath at the same time.

“Harry?” Liam said softly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m going to ask for more water,” he said as got up from the table to the counter. He pushed through the people until he reached the plate of glasses, and easily down a cup of water quickly.

He noticed the bell door ring, and quickly turned away as he saw Louis walk in. He took a deep breath and turned around again.

“Captain Tomlinson!” he said cheerily in greeting, trying to hide a bit of his excitement.

Louis’ eyes fell on him, and Harry could have sworn his face softened.

“Mr. Harry,” he smiled. “I did not expect to see you here.”

“And I you,” he smiled back. “What- um. What brings you to Bath?”

“Certainly not the weather,” Louis said as he nodded towards the window. “But I am prepared for it,” he grinned holding up his umbrella.

“I can see,” Harry laughed. “I did not have your forbearance to bring such a thing. I have to walk in the rain just as I am.”

“Are you about to walk in this weather?” Louis frowned. “It’s pouring! You cannot go out there all by yourself.”

Harry shook his head. “It’s not too much and my boots can handle it. And I won’t be unaccompanied.”

Almost as in on cue, Niall and Mr. Grimshaw walked into the shop and looked around. They quickly found Harry and walked over to him, while Liam also joined them.

“Niall, Mr. Grimshaw,” Harry said may I introduce you to Captain Tomlinson.”

“Captain Tomlinson,” Niall repeated as he nodded to him, sharing a look with Harry before turning back to Louis. “It’s been a very long time since I’ve seen you.”

“Very long time,” Louis said with a small smile.

Mr. Grimshaw simply nodded at Louis before turning back to Harry. “Your brothers are all situated to go in a carriage. Shall we walk now?”

“Now?” Harry asked. He had hoped to spend more time talking with Louis. He was eager to know why he was in Bath in the first place, and had not bothered to tell him back in Uppercross or Lyme.

“Now.”

Harry could only quickly say his goodbyes as Mr. Grimshaw grabbed him by his arm. Harry turned back to look at Louis standing where he left him, and unable to read the expression on his face.

***

For the next few days, Harry had no word on where Louis was. He had hoped to run into him a few more times, but it was not to be. He joined Lord Corden at one of the social rooms one evening, walking around the room as the rest did.

“And how is Mr. Grimshaw faring with your family?” Lord Corden asked as he looked around the room. “What are your thoughts on him?”

“He seems to have all the correct manners and opinions of the world. Always a pleasure to be around. But there is something…”

“Do go on,” he said.

“I cannot help but think something is wrong with him. He seems to show no emotion in how he speaks, no burst of character or opinions. The town seems to think he is in love with me, but I would say he treats Niall just the same as he does me. I could not see myself even keeping him as a friend of sorts.”

“That bad?” Lord Corden replied.

“Yes I-” he was interrupted by a servant tapping him on the shoulder. “Mr. Harry, a man in a navy uniform is asking for a private audience with you in the waiting room.”

“Oh, it must be the Admiral. I’ll see you at supper, Lord Corden.” He said as he quickly bowed.

He followed the servant to the door, walking briskly as he thought about what he would say to the Admiral. They had recently come to Bath as well, probably where Louis was staying. Mrs. Croft had written to him to say that they were in town to use the medicinal waters it was known for, and to visit some old friends as well. He probably wanted to discuss something about Kellynch as well.

The servant stopped as Harry took his eyes off the floor and looked up to see Louis standing there with his hat in his arms.

“Captain Tomlinson,” he breathed out.

The other man gave him a curt nod.

“I-” Harry started.

Louis held his hand up. “Please allow me to speak. I have come on business of the Admiral. He has heard of your soon to be engagement with Mr. Grimshaw. In order to not inconvenience you, he has offered to terminate his lease of Kellynch Hall if you so choose to live there after you are married,” Louis let out a breath. “There. I have done my duty.”

Engagement? There is no engagement. Why would he think there is an engagement?

“A simple yes or no would suffice, Mr. Harry,” Louis said.

Harry was still frowning in disbelief, yet no words were flowing from his mouth.

“Just one word,” he said, “and you’ll free us from our duty. Just one word. Yes or no.”

Harry blinked at him. “First and foremost, I want to thank you to thank the Admiral on my behalf for such a generous offer. I am pleased to know that he knows how much I adore Kellynch. But I would like to know where such rumors come from, because I find them to be utterly baseless.”

Louis’ frown softened. “Baseless?”

“Utterly and completely.”

“Really?”

Harry softly nodded. “I am not engaged to marry anyone, especially Mr. Grimshaw.”

Did he sense that Louis was relieved at the news? The frowns on his face were no more, and his jaw did not seem so clenched as it once was.

“Well I am sorry to have troubled you on this fine afternoon,” Louis said with a short bow. “If you excuse me.”

Before he could say anything more, Louis left him standing there near the door. At least he managed to clear up some rumors, but he wondered why Louis seemed so worried about them. Did he still care for him? Would he care if he married someone else? Fate was not to let him know.

***

After that, he did manage to see Louis more, even if he was not speaking directly to him. The Paynes had arrived in Bath as well, bringing along the girls and Anton once Zayn realized he had to stay longer. Harry reluctantly attended some outings with Niall, but much preferred to stay in with the Paynes and watch over the girls.

It was a cold afternoon in February when he found himself at the house the Payne family had rented. Anton was getting ready for his wedding with Captain Wright, who had proposed to him about a month before. Harry was shocked when he learned for the engagement through Mrs. Croft, but more than relieved Louis wasn’t going to make a foolish match and marry him. He would happily assist with any wedding preparations for Anton as long as he was to marry anybody but Louis. He even thought Captain Wright was too intellectual for Anton’s taste, but he had found out Anton found a genuine love of poetry within him, and they fell in love over verse once Captain Wright visited Uppercross. They were in the middle of picking flower arrangements when Liam walked in with Captain Tomlinson and Captain Rodgers in tow.

“Look who I managed to find!” he said happily as they entered the room.

“Why hello, you two,” Mrs. Payne greeted them warmly. “Do come in and make yourself comfortable.”

Harry looked up to greet them as well, and realized Louis was staring down at his hands. And that’s when Harry remembered what he was wearing, making him blush a bit. He had found his lace gloves again while he was organizing, and decided it was time to wear them out in public. Even if louis wasn’t around him all the time, he still gave him the confidence to wear them again. He had garnered many compliments about them as the day went by, and he quite forgot about them after feeling ever so comfortable in them. And now Louis couldn’t take his eyes off them.

Harry moved his fingers, which managed to break Louis from his trance. He looked up to see Harry’s eyes on him, and he quickly averted his glance.

“You will never believe what I bought for us, mother,” Liam said. “I secured us a box for the theater tomorrow night.”

“Oh that’s wonderful!” she exclaimed. “And Harry, you shall join us as well?”

Harry put down the flower sample. “I thank you greatly for thinking of me, but I believe there is an evening party that my father is throwing at Camden Place to which I understand you all will be invited to.”

“I would very much prefer the theater,” Liam said. “But I know I will enjoy spending a night playing cards with friends as well. I shall go postpone our box for another night.”

“Believe me, Liam, I would very much prefer to go to the theater. I am not one of people who believe going to the theater is beneath them, but I have an obligation to my family first and that’s where we shall be. I do hope to see you all there.” He meant it towards everyone in the room, but as he turned to see if Louis was listening, he found he wasn’t there anymore.

Had he not only just come in? He tried to keep his worry away as he began to help with the flower decisions again. He wondered what his own wedding might look like in the future. He hoped to marry in the summer, the warm sun on them as they exited the church, probably some summer flowers in his hair. He didn’t know what he would be wearing, and after careful consideration, he decided he would like something rose colored. Yes, a rose colored jacket with a light hue. Probably preposterous, but he didn’t care. It would create a nice contrast to the white and red roses he would carry in his bouquet.

He stopped thinking of his own wedding plans once he realized Louis was back in the room. Knowing it wouldn’t do him well to sit for so long, he walked over to the window to gaze onto the street.

A few seconds later he felt Louis’ presence next to him.

“I heard you say you would have rather gone to the theater than your evening party,” he said. “Maybe,” he lowered his voice. “You would like Bath a bit more if you got to know it a bit more.”

“Oh no,” Harry said with a furrowed brow, turning to him. “What they call entertainment is not what I find entertaining. And I am no card player.”

“No,” Louis gave him a soft smile, meeting his eyes. “You never were, were you.”

Harry gazed into his eyes, something he had not in so long. They were still the same blue he fell in love with, and he wanted to pinch himself, because he swore he saw the same warmth as before.


	3. Chapter 3

A few weeks later, Harry went to visit Ed again. His friend had sent him an urgent note to come see him at once, and Harry did so the first free moment he had.

It was still bitterly cold at this time of year, so Harry was wearing his warmest coat as he walked to Westgate Buildings. All the leaves had fallen from their branches, and the cool morning sun was shining his path as he walked the cobbled streets. As he approached Ed’s building, he saw a man asking for money. He reached into his pocket to give him a few coins.

“Thank you, sir,” the old man said as he walked inside. Harry noted to himself that he and Niall should bring some blankets next time to give to the poor. 

“What is the news you had to tell me, Ed?” he said once he was seated across from him.

“That you are to marry Mr. Grimshaw,” Ed said. “And I highly advise against it!”

“Of course I will not marry him!” Harry scoffed. “But what basis do you have for not advising it? Have you heard something?”

“He is bankrupt,” he declared, taking a sip of his tea.

Harry gasped. “Bankrupt? No- It could not be! He has expensive clothes and carriages-”

Ed shook his head. “He lives on borrowed money. There were rumors of your father marrying again, and possibly having a child that would not be a carrier. Since he wanted the inheritance for himself, he wanted to make sure that would never happen. So he put his fancies on you, and Niall at some points, so he could gain some footing in the family once he married you, and exert his influence over your father. He would stop at nothing to protect whatever money is left to him.”

Harry felt his fists clenching. How dare he. How dare Mr. Grimshaw do this to his family. He didn’t care much for his father, but he would still do anything to prevent him associating with such a man. He did have a feeling that there was an underlying cause for Mr. Grimshaw’s sudden interest in his family, but he had brushed it away as part of Zayn’s worry.

“How despicable. And he thought he could just use me like this?” Harry reached over and grasped the other man's hand. “Thank you so much for telling me this, Ed. I would never have married him in the first place but knowing this will help me protect my family as well.”

He said his goodbyes and rushed back home. He had to find Niall.

***

Harry spent much of the morning thinking over what he had discussed with Niall. All the signs had been there before, and yet no one realized what Mr. Grimshaw’s intentions were. Niall made sure he would be watching him carefully if he visited Camden Place again, as they figured he would try to one of them eventually. He just needed a marriage into the family; that was all.

But it did leave Harry wondering why he would choose him to court in the first place. Did he seem like an easier conquest than Niall? It’s not as if Niall had a bad reputation, but it seemed more logical to court the oldest of the family, not the youngest. He’ll probably never know the real reason for his actions, but he was thankful for having a reason to avoid him all together. And Zayn was right after all.

Harry arrived at the Payne’s house, and realized Mrs. Payne was having a hearty conversation with Mrs. Croft. They quickly greeted him, informing him that Liam and Zayn had gone shopping but asked that he stay there in the parlor to wait for them.

He sat at the table, hoping not to interrupt their conversation, and looked around, noticing how intently Louis was writing on the desk. He had hoped to speak to him but did not want to bother. He sighed and got up, seeing that Captain Rodgers was standing near the window.

“How are you Captain Rodgers?” he asked as he noticed he was holding something in his hand.

“Oh hello, Mr. Harry,” he said with a smile. “I was just observing this. Do you know who that is?” he said as he placed the miniature painting in his hand.

Harry studied it and found himself looking at a portrait of Captain Wright in his navy uniform.

“I am in charge of getting it set for Mr. Anton, but this portrait did not belong to him originally. It belonged to Fanny. But now it is needed for Wright’s new husband. That’s why I am here in Bath, getting it set for their wedding. I cannot bear to do it, so he” his chin pointed towards Louis, “is doing it for me. Writing the letter with instructions to the get it set for Mr. Anton.” His voice wavered before he continued. “Fanny would have not forgotten him so fast. My poor sister.”

“I don’t think it is in anyone’s nature to forget like that,” Harry speculated. “Though I do believe Captain Wright and Fanny were in love.”

“What makes you so sure?” he sniffed. “He has gone off and married someone else within a year of her passing. I do not think she would have forgotten him at all.”

“I believe that if you have truly loved, then it would almost be impossible to forget such a love,” Harry said. “And, I believe if Fanny truly loved him, she would want him to be happy while he keeps her in his memory. I don’t know if you noticed, Captain Rodgers, but when I visited Lyme I saw that Wright was exceedingly depressed. He loved, and still loves, your sister, and her loss was almost too much to bear for him. Since he has been with Anton, has he been happy?”

“Most happy,” Captain Rodgers said. “I have heard him laugh again, and he seems almost to his old self.”

“As I expected,” Harry said softly. “You see, when you truly love someone, you want them to be happy, no matter the cost. If you have loved someone and they are no longer with you, all you wish is that they would find happiness somewhere else. It is the least you could do after loving them so,” Harry paused as they both turned their heads to the sound of something dropping on the carpet, watching Captain Tomlinson picking up a pen. Harry wondered if he had been listening in. “Fanny might have sent Anton to Wright, so he would not live such a lonely life after her passing. This might still be a gift from her to him. She is no longer able to be with him, so instead of seeing him suffer she gave him a second chance at love. Even if they once found love, everyone deserves to have it for a lifetime. And now Wright is afforded his second chance.”

“I never thought of it that way,” Rodgers said. “I guess you are right. Wright deserves to find happiness. I just miss my sister so.”

“And I’m sure Wright does too. I’m sure he will never forget her, as she will always be in his heart. But there comes a time when the heart deserves some happiness after grief, and he has finally found it.”

“You are very right, Mr. Harry,” he said with a smile. “Thank you for speaking with me. You truly are one of the most kind people I know,” he lowered his voice before continuing. “It’s no wonder Louis was able to fall for you so.”

Harry blushed. So Rodgers _was_ informed of their history. “You knew about that?”

Captain Rodgers chuckled. “I met Louis when he just joined the navy. Becoming his friend meant prying out of the reason for why he never smiled. I got him drunk enough to confess what happened between you both. Unfortunate situation, but I told him he should write to you all the same. Stubborn he was and refused, but I sense a change.”

Harry was about to ask him what he meant by that, but at that very moment Mrs. Croft stood up from her seat.

“I am to leave you all now, my friends,” she said. “Louis? I believe this is where we part ways. I shall see you all tonight at your party, Harry!”

“And I believe it is our turn to leave as well,” Captain Rodgers said. “Are you ready, Louis?”

Harry couldn’t see what he was doing, but he seemed to be hastily folding up his letter.

“Just about done,” he said as he stood up. “I will catch up with you later, Louise. Are you ready Rodgers?”

The group said their goodbyes and exited the room, leaving Harry alone with Mrs. Payne as he took the seat across from her.

“I feel like tonight will be the most fun when we are all together,” she said before turning to the window. “Now I wonder where Zayn and Anton could be? They have been gone for almost two hours!” She got up from her seat to go look out the window, possibly hoping to find them.

Harry sighed as he thought of the evening party. He knew he would have to talk to Mr. Grimshaw, and he did not want to even be in the same room after knowing his true nature. He felt disgusted. He was about to get up to make himself a cup of tea when the door opened again.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Payne, I seem to have forgotten my umbrella.”

Harry looked up as he saw Louis walking back in the room, hurrying over to the desk. He met his eyes, almost as if Louis wanted to say something to him. Instead, he pulled out a letter that was sitting under a book and nodded towards it. Harry’s eyes were wide as he continued to stare at him, forgetting to take a breath in the seconds he watched as Louis leave the room again.

He quickly looked back to see Mrs. Payne still looking out the window, and quietly made his way to the desk to pick up the letter. The ink still looked fresh, as if he was had been writing it not moments ago. His name was written on the front, with that handwriting he had missed for so long.

He swallowed as he sat back down, fingers shaking as he carefully opened the letter.

_“My dearest Harry,_

_I can no longer bear to be in silence. I am sorry this had to be done in a letter, but these emotions can wait no more. You pierce my soul. I am half agony half hope. Tell me I am not too late, that those precious feelings you had for me are not gone forever. I present my heart to you. It is now more yours than it was those five and half years ago. It might have been broken then but spending these last months near you have pieced it back together again._

_I have loved none but you. No one has ever taken your place in my heart or my thoughts. Resentful I may have been, unjust and foolish, but never inconstant to you. You are the only reason for my time in Bath. I have made all my plans around you. Was this not clear? Did you not see my intentions? I can only hope you feel the same as I do. You penetrate my thoughts in more ways that you know. I cannot even concentrate fully while writing this because your voice overpowers me so. And to hear you speak about love in such a forgiving way. I know we both deserve a second chance at love, and that chance is with each other._

_I must go now, but I must know what your thoughts are. I have to see you before your father’s evening party; a look, a word, anything will tell me whether I need to go there at all. If you want to be mine again, as I want to be yours, I see nothing that would stand in our way now. I love you, Harry. Forever and always._

_Yours sincerely,_

_L.T”_

Tears were forming in Harry’s eyes, and his hands were shaking.

Louis still loved him. After all these years. He had come to Bath to seek him out. But he needed a full day to recover from the emotions brought on from such a letter, for they were too much. Instead, Liam, Zayn and Anton entered the room, arms full of boxes from their trip around to the shops, and the room erupted into a loud conversation. It died down once Zayn noticed that Harry had not turned to greet them.

“Harry are you okay?” he asked as he walked over to him. He turned to face him, kneeling on the ground in order to see his face.

“Yes,” he gasped, a whimper climbing up his throat. He had to leave. He had to leave and find Louis. Immediately.

“Are you sure?” Mrs. Payne asked.

Harry looked around to find concerned faces around the room.

“I’m-“ he breathed out. “I’m fine! I just need to get a bit of rest is all.”

Liam dropped his boxes on the table and walked over to him. “Are you sure you are alright, Harry?”

“Well go take a rest so you can be all primed and ready for tonight!” Mrs. Payne said. “Liam? Do make sure he gets home safely.”

“Yes, Liam, please escort him home if you can,” Zayn pleaded. “I don’t want him fainting on the sidewalk and possibly hurting himself in the process.”

Harry would have protested but he needed to leave to find Louis. He hugged Zayn goodbye and followed Liam out of the room. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like to rest here, Harry?” Liam asked as they walked down the stairs.

Harry shook his head. “I would rather not bother your family and go straight home. But Liam,” he said as Liam opened the door for him. “Do you know if Captain Tomlinson is coming to the evening party?”

“I’m sure it was understood that he was,” he said as they walked along the street. “I think I heard his sister say he received a calling card as well.”

“Are you sure?” he pleased. “Because-” He had forgotten to look where he was going and stumbled into a man. “I am very sorry, sir! I-” He looked up and lost his train of thought. In front of him, holding his elbows to hold him steady and avoid tripping again, was Louis.

“Louis!” Liam exclaimed. “Are you going near Camden Place? Because I would like you to….”

Harry could hear Liam talking, but for the life of him he couldn’t make out what he was saying. He was just focused on those blue eyes, those dear crystal blue eyes he fell in love with all those years ago, staring back at him with the same warmth he remembers from that cold winter morning. All of the same warmth. He felt like he was seventeen again, seeing his Louis for the first time.

“I’ll take him home, Liam,” Louis said softly.

“I already know you both weren’t listening to me as you were lost in each other’s eyes,” he scoffed. “Just make sure you’re both decent in time for Sir Walter’s party.” He turned to leave with a knowing smile on his face.

“Did you mean it?” he whispered, loud enough for Louis to hear. “Everything that you wrote?”

“Everything,” Louis said softly. “Every word. It’s all for you.”

A tear managed to escape from his eye, rolling down as Harry cried with happiness. Louis quickly took him into his arms, hearing his quiet sobs against his coat.

“You had to have known,” Louis said. “Everything I did was for you. Since we left Lyme, and probably before that, my thoughts were filled with your face and memory. I tried, god I tried, but I could never forget you Harry. I thought I would be strong if I saw you again, showing that you meant nothing to me after all these years. My mind was made up, but my heart knew better. I came to Bath to see you, only you. I knew I still loved you.”

“Oh, Captain Tomlinson,” Harry sniffed against him. His heart was ready to burst.

“No, Harry,” he cooed, “call me by my name. I beg of you.”

“Louis,” he said, and the man’s arms wrapped around him ever so tightly.

“It’s been so long since I’ve heard that,” he whispered into his hair. “I missed hearing my name on your lips.”

They stood like that for a while, just taking each other in. Harry could die happily like that, standing on the street with his arms around Louis, inhaling his scent once again. He might have worn a captain’s uniform now, but underneath was still the same man he fell in love with. His sailor had finally returned to him, and he could not stop crying from the joy.

Eventually Louis moved them to stand near one of the columns to avoid any unwanted glances, still standing in each other’s space as best they could.

“You have a habit of running away after handing me your letters, Louis,” Harry giggled, trying to hide how his emotions were at the brim and ready to burst even if he was already crying. “And this time, I had no reward for not opening it in front of you.”

“Will you let me give you one?”

Harry nodded, and after Louis brought a hand up to push one of his curls away from his face, he slowly leaned over, pressing a gentle kiss on his lips. Electricity burned as their lips melted together, the cold embers of their love igniting once again as if they had never been dormant. His scent, his lips, his skin. All awakened a fire that he thought he would never feel again, but life had given him a second match to light it again.

It was too much to bear. So long since those lips have been on his own. So long since he was able to have his scent so close to his. He made a quiet cry against his lips and deepened the kiss, hastily wrapping his arms around his neck to pull him closer.

Louis let him, even running his hands over his back, feeling the flaming heat radiating off of his body through his palms, before quickly pulling back, both of them panting.

“Harry,” he croaked. “Not here. I know how it feels. I know-“ he met his eyes and Harry wanted to melt, “I know what it feels to finally have you. To feel you again. But we cannot do this in public.”

“Then take me somewhere where we can do this, Louis,” he demanded.

Louis stayed silent. “Do you want to come to my place? We will have some privacy there. But people might see us and gossip.”

Harry nodded. “I do not care for gossip. I know what is true, and if people are to see us together they will know about it as well.”

“Are you sure you want to appear as a fallen man, Harry?” he teased.

Harry rolled his eyes. “I would think you of all people would remember why I am not a virgin,” he giggled. Louis offered his arm and Harry gladly took it. They started to walk in a direction Louis led, passing a variety of people as they strode through the busy streets.

“Where are you staying again?” Harry asked. He was so excited that Louis was in Bath that he never bothered to find out where he could find him. They had run into each other so much, now apparent that Louis had planned for that, but he still wanted to know.

“With my sister and her husband. Once I told her my intentions of coming to Bath, she insisted I stay with her.”

“I see,” Harry nodded. He enjoyed the comfortable silence they had, Harry never letting go of his arm, but he knew a lot was left to be said between them.

“I would have written you,” Louis began. “So many cards I left unsent. So many thoughts I thought you would never read.”

“I would have read them. I waited for years to maybe see a letter from you. Ever more so in the months after you left.”

Harry had spent every day for about six months just staring out the window in the mornings, hoping a letter carrier would arrive with something for him. Eventually Niall convinced him that there was no use in doing that, but it was still a habit of his he continued once in a while.

“Would you have written back? Even after how our relationship was left?”

“How could I not, Lou?” he noticed how Louis smiled at the use of his old nickname. “If I’m being honest,” he said. “If you would have asked for my hand again on that day in Uppercross last fall, I would not have hesitated to accept.”

“You would?” Louis asked, the shock in his voice apparent.

“Louis you knew it was never my doing. My father threatened to disinherit me if I continued with our engagement. I had nothing to prove that you would become wealthy in the navy. And you know I never needed that, but my family did. I would have been penniless for you if it meant I could stay by your side.”

“You would have?” Louis asked gently. “Just given all of that up?”

“I would have given it all up. If you had only asked me to.”

Louis shook his head. “I might have back then, given my mindset. But as much as I hate to say this, I’m glad I didn’t. I would have had no means to support you, and your father would have left you with nothing. Now I can support you, to your hearts content, and I’m going to make up for all the lost years I could have been spoiling you.”

“You don’t have to, Lou,” he blushed. “I don’t need wealth. You were enough back then, and you’re still enough now.”

Louis let out a wet laugh. “You truly haven’t changed, my love. You still carry that innocence I remember.”

Harry thought for a moment. “Do you think I should have grown out of it?”

“No,” he answered, “I think it has grown with you. You have changed since we last met, but I think you’ve blossomed into the man I knew I would still love after all these years.”

“And you still left your mark on me,” he said. “I started wearing more… colors. Once you came. Even if you weren’t cordial to me, I still felt more confident to wear them again.”

“I did notice how lively your wardrobe looks now, but did you not want to wear them after I left? My impact could not have been that missed.”

Harry shook his head. “I didn’t feel like I needed to. Once you left I fell into a deep depression, not wanting to do much more than stay at home and tend to my books. I wore simpler colors to reflect my mood, and I lost my love for the beautiful bright ones I once adored.”

“Did my presence gave you that push to wear them again?”

“I would say it did, Louis.”

“And the lace gloves?”

Harry smiled to himself. “What about them?”

“Did you choose to wear those for me?”

“Would you have liked that?” he pushed, knowing there might be a hint of a blush of Louis’ cheeks.

Louis cleared his throat. “The day you wore those lace gloves… I did not know what to do with myself. I remembered that time by the lake when I first found them in your back pocket, a scared seventeen-year-old saying he wanted to wear them but didn’t have the courage to.”

“I found my courage with you, Lou. Even if you didn’t want me anymore, I wanted to show you that you still had an impact on me, and always will.”

“I hope you know I’m never letting you go again,” Louis said.

“Do you remember the first time I ever wore them for you?” he asked. “Is that why you were gazing at them when you walked into the parlor?”

It was Louis’ turn to blush, and Harry wanted to cry with joy. He hadn’t seen him blush like that since they were in their youth and still being able to have the same effect on him was simply marvelous.

“I-” Louis coughed. “Well we are being honest with each other, aren’t we? The day you wore those gloves… the memory of what we first did with them did not escape me. So much so that I had to excuse myself to go relieve a certain… problem that had grown once I saw you.”

Harry gasped. “You did not! But you were only gone a short while? I noticed you gone one second and you were back in the room the next.”

“Let us just say you bring in me the same youthful spirit I once had. Which is finishing in seconds at just the thought of you,” he said bashfully.

Harry giggled as he leaned closer. “I shall take your word for it then.”

They reach the Crofts residence a short while later, Louis making sure neither of them were home. He hurried Harry up the steps and into his bedroom, locking the door behind him. Just as Louis turned back to face him, Harry crashed into his arms again, kissing him with the same passion he had on the street. He felt Harry’s fingers unbuttoning his shirt, and he went to grasp his wrist.

“We don’t have to, Harry” he whispered against his lips. “We can wait for our wedding night if you so choose.”

“Louis,” he implored, “I’ve waited five and a half years for you to return to me, and I’d be damned if I have to live another second without your arms around me again. This” he gently thrusted his hardness against his thigh. “does not feel like waiting until a simple ceremony.”

Louis stared at him with a softness in his eyes, and Harry knew he had won. Louis quickly let go of his hand and helped him undress.

“I missed you.” Louis cried as more of his skin was revealed. “I missed you more than I ever thought I would. I missed this,” he said as he placed a kiss at the base of Harry’s neck. “I missed these,” he bit each of his nipples, lapping at them once he heard Harry’s breathy moan from above. “and I missed this,” he said as he got to his knees and pushed Harry’s trousers down, quickly bringing his cock out and swirling his tongue over it.

“Louis,” Harry groaned, feeling his knees ready to buckle. “I cannot stand up for much longer.”

With a final lick to the tip, he nodded and stood up, shedding the rest of his clothing, still managing to kiss him at the same time. With his hands firmly on his waist and their tongues lapping together, Louis guided Harry to the bed. He turned them around, Louis sitting on the edge while Harry climbed over his lap, his thighs on either side of him.

“I missed this as well,” Louis murmured against his lips, his hand wandering behind him to cup his cheek. Harry let out a groan as he rutted against him, their cocks wet with precome as they slide against each other.

Louis reach over to pull out a small jar of oil from his night stand, Harry helping him coat his fingers with it. He reached behind the younger man to tease at his entrance, feeling Harry gasp against his lips as he pushed a finger in. He slowly teased him for a few minutes, allowing Harry to ride one, then two fingers as they continued to give wet kisses to each other, noses brushing with every moment.

Eventually, Harry had enough of being teased, and once Louis could put three fingers in him, he pushed against Louis’ chest, sending him flat against the mattress. He firmly grabbed his cock with one hand as he balanced himself with his other hand on Louis’ chest, feeling how fast his heart was beating against his palm. He lined himself up and sank down, almost crying at the pleasure. So long. So long since he felt him like this. His curls were starting to stick to his face that was already lined with sweat, but he could care less. 

“Harry,” he moaned as Harry began to ride him, Louis’ own hands running own his thighs. “You must remember that we are not married yet again, and I cannot have you with a baby.”

“I did not care then,” Harry groaned as he sank back down again, “and I do not care now. If we make a baby, then we make one. I’m with you forever, Lou.”

“So be it,” Louis huffed with a load groan, and before Harry knew what was happening he found himself on his back again, Louis holding him tight against the mattress. He thrust into him hard, Harry moaning loudly. The older man licked at his throat while he increased the pace, sucking love bites onto his neck, and kissing them to soothe. He was sure he was leaving bruises on Harry’s arms by how tightly he was holding him down, but Harry was only moaning with delight. He was lost in his pleasure, his body feeling as if warm honey was burning through his veins.

Knowing how close he was, he knew he had to let Harry come first. He snaked his hand between them and grabbed his cock, almost dripping wet in pleasure. “I love you so much, Harry,” he said against his lips, and flicked his thumb over his lip. Harry screamed against his mouth, coming in ropes that Louis thought would never end. It caused his hole to clench tightly around him, and Louis came with a shout, biting hard at Harry’s neck. As they both came down from their climaxes, Louis could hear Harry whispering in his ear. “I love you more, Louis.”

He kissed his cheek, content to lay on him for a few more moments as they caught their breath together. Harry felt sore all over, and he couldn’t feel happier about it. So long since he shared Louis’ bed, and now he was here once again.

Louis rolled over, his breathing finally evening.

“Will there ever be a time when I make love to you as my husband?” he chuckled.

Harry turned to head to find him staring with a fond smile. “Hopefully within the next few months,” he answered. He looked over at the clock near the door and gasped. “Oh no. I am going to be late to my father’s evening party!” He rolled over in an effort to leave the bed, but instead found Louis’ arm come around to circle his stomach, holding him firmly in place.

“Harry,” he said softly. “Please look at me.” Harry frowned as he obeyed, sensing something was amiss.

“The last time we did this, the last time you left my bed, I lost you forever,” a sadness to his voice. “Promise me that won’t happen again. Promise me we will finally be together.”

He met Louis’ eyes, so much hope and vulnerability within them. “I promise,” he whispered. “Nothing shall keep me away from you now. I hope you know that.” He leaned over and gently placed a kiss on his lips, Louis reaching up to cradle his cheek and pull him closer. Once he felt Louis’ tongue lick his bottom lip, he quickly pulled away shaking his head. “No, Lou! I cannot be late to this. We’re going to end up doing it again and then I shall never leave this bed!”

“I don’t see how that’s a bad idea,” Louis shrugged, “But Harry, you already created a bit of a situation.”

“I did?”

Louis nodded and pointed down to his waist. Harry’s eyes widened as he realized he was hard again under the sheet.

“Are you going to leave me like this?” he asked innocently.

“You’ve always been the naughtier one,” Harry giggled as he crawled under the sheets. "You were not teasing when you said I brought out your youthful quickness in you."

“Says the one who- ah!” Louis’ voice broke into a moan once he felt Harry swallow him whole, “has my cock in his mouth. Where did you-” he gasped as he felt his tongue around him. “Christ! Where did you learn that?”

“Practice,” Harry said hoarsely as he pulled back.

“Practice?” Louis gasped again, both in pleasure and jealousy. “With who?”

“Bananas,” Harry said simply as he went back to work, holding the flat of his tongue against the base of his head, another moan escaping Louis’ lips.

“Bananas?” Louis managed to croak out.

Harry pulled back once again. “I still had urges after you left, particularly wanting something to fill my mouth as yours did on multiple occasions,” he said as he gave his cock a squeeze. “But I did not want anyone but you doing that.”

And that hearing that must have pushed Louis over the edge. His eyes rolled back as he started to come in Harry’s hand, the younger man rushing to catch the rest with his tongue.

“I would take it that I learned well enough?” he said with a smirk.

Louis’ chest was still rising as he spoke. “Better than my wildest dreams, love,” he smiled in a haze.

After Harry cleaned them both up, they helped each other dress, kissing each piece of skin that they had to cover. Louis could only smirk as he saw all the love bites he left around Harry’s body, particularly around his neck. Luckily his shirt would be able to cover them, but it still made Harry feel good to know they were there, still feeling the burn of Louis against him. His back was facing him as he helped shrug on his vest.

“Harry wait,” Louis said as he tugged at his arm.

Harry playfully rolled his eyes as he turned around. “What now, Lou? I have all my clothes on.”

“I haven’t asked you to marry me. Properly.”

Harry looked down and saw he was holding a ring with a large ruby at the center. “Our happiness lies with each other, since the moment we met. Do me the honor of accepting this ring as a token of our love and devotion. I wish to make you my husband if you so please.”

“Oh, Lou,” Harry had to rub his eye to stop a tear from shedding. “Yes. Yes. Yes. I want to be yours forever. As your husband.” He held his hand out as Louis slid it on his finger, wasting no time in kissing him again in gratitude.

“You’ve made me the happiest man in the world,” Louis whispered against his lips.

“Not as happy as I am,” he said before sliding their lips together again.

They agreed to see each other at his father’s evening party, which Louis had been invited to after all.

“Come as soon as you can, Lou,” he said as he adjusted his clothes in the mirror a final time before leaving. “I cannot wait to see you there.”

“I shall come as soon a possible,” Louis promised as he came up behind him, reaching his arms around to pull him close and nuzzle his curls.

“Oh! Don’t tell anyone this,” Harry said as he turned around in his arms. “But Zayn is expecting again!”

“He is?” Louis gasped. “Does Liam know?”

“I think he might by now. Remember the day when you found me in that sweet shop? I was keeping Liam busy throughout that morning while Zayn went to the doctor to confirm his thoughts.”

“So, you are to be an uncle yet again,” he smiled.

“And you are too,” he said. “Once we are married, you shall be an uncle to Rachel, Anne, and the new baby as well. Uncle Louis.”

“And hopefully Father Louis in the future,” he grinned.

“Most definitely,” Harry said as he kissed him again.

***

Harry walked around the room, glancing around the card tables. As he stopped by the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Louis arriving, he felt a shadow come near him.

“Hello, Mr. Harry,” the man greeted.

“Good evening, Mr. Grimshaw,” he said easily, his tone leveled. He tried not to let his face give away any emotion. “Are you enjoying the evening?”

“I am now,” he said with a grin, motioning over to the nearby seat. “Would you care you join me?”

“Of course,” Harry said simply, taking his time as he went to sit on the bench, easing himself away from him as much as possible.

“I would like to know something, if you are willing to divulge,” Mr. Grimshaw said as he scooted himself closer. “Have you considered my earlier proposal?”

Harry remembered he had opened a small note earlier that was left to him a few days ago. It was from Mr. Grimshaw, and it said: _“I hope to give you compliments for the rest of your life. Please accept my hand in marriage. NG”._ It was one of the most pitiful proposals he had ever seen, and he had seen his fair share of proposals. It disgusted him that a man so shallow would be interested. 

Harry let out a sigh. “I have considered it, and I believe I shall decline it.”

He watched as Mr. Grimshaw’s face knotted in annoyance. “Decline?” he scoffed. “On what grounds?”

“I do not have to give you my reasons, Mr. Grimshaw,” he said easily. “I have thought out your proposal, and given the circumstances, I believe we are better suited for other people.”

“You cannot be rebuffing me for that sailor that hangs around this house?”

Harry narrowed his eyes. He had enough. “Mr. Grimshaw, that _sailor_ happens to be the man I love, and the only man I have loved since I was seventeen. In fact, he made me his again earlier this evening,” he said as he pulled down his collar and exposed a love bite to the cool air of the room, watching as Mr. Grimshaw’s eyes widened as he fixed on it. “as he will be doing for the remainder of our lives. I have been informed of your plans and why you fixated yourself on me. If you don’t want me to expose you as the lying, broke criminal that you are, then I suggest you leave my father’s party quickly and quietly. And never enter mine or Louis’ lives ever again. Or the rest of my family’s.”

Mr. Grimshaw’s face was hard and cold by the end of his speech. “You cannot be serious.”

“As serious as can be,” he said sternly. “Insult my beloved once again, and I shall have no remorse exposing you to every person in this room and to the gossips of Bath. Let them know who the real Mr. Nick Grimshaw is.”

Without another word, the other man stood up from the bench and went to grab his hat. He quickly gave his goodbyes to Sir Walter and rushed out of the room, leaving a few people puzzled.

“Where is he going?” Mrs. Payne said. “It’s still the early evening!”

“I’ve found that land bearing men are the most strange creatures, Mrs. Payne,” Mrs. Croft said as she put down a card.

As he saw Mr. Grimshaw leave, the butler came in with two men in tow.

“A Captain Tomlinson and Captain Rodgers, sir,” he announced to the room.

“Hello, Captain Tomlinson,” Sir Walter said as he stood up. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

Louis scanned the room until he met Harry’s eyes at the far end of it, beaming back at him with a smile he could barely contain.

“I have come on urgent business, Sir Walter,” he said with a smile.

“Business?” the baronet asked.

“My proposal to your son, Harry, has been accepted,” he announced, “and I respectfully request to set a date, as I am eager to make him my husband.”

The room was stunned into silence. Niall and Zayn were desperately trying to hide their smirks while Liam had a soft smile on his face. Mrs. Croft had her hands together almost as in prayer, ready to clap if needed as she looked around. Both Mr. and Mrs. Payne had their jaws hanging open. But it was safe to say that everyone was eagerly waiting for the reply from Sir Walter.

“Harry?” he cried. “You want to marry Harry? What ever for?”

“Oh please, father,” Niall said as he stood up. “Do not make them go into detail and just give your blessing.”

Sir Walter paused in thought. “If you so wish, Captain Tomlinson. He is all yours.”

The room erupted in cheers as Harry ran through the tables in order to get to him, hands patting his back as he passed through. But he didn’t know nor could understand what people were saying to him, as his vision was firmly locked in Louis’ glorious face waiting for him with open arms. He sank right into them when he reached him, both locked in a tight embrace as they realized they would finally have what they always wanted.

“It’s happening,” Louis whispered. “You’re going to be mine forever.”

“I already am yours, Louis,” Harry whispered. “I always have been.”

***

And that summer, the wedding was held in a quiet ceremony near Kellynch, with their closest friends and family in attendance. Harry never imagined the wedding he had planned at that table in Bath would ever be a reality, but Louis made it come true. He gifted him a soft pink wedding coat to wear during the ceremony, and with the help of Rachel and Anne he helped make flower pins to put in his hair.

Even Edward was present, hugging them both afterwards. “I always knew you were the one for him, Harry,” He boasted as they pulled apart. “I never saw my brother’s eyes shine like they did when he would speak about you. And now to see him finally marry you, I wish you all the happiness in the world.”

Rachel was a proud flower girl, boasting that it had been her idea that Captain Tomlinson and Harry should marry. They easily let her think so.

As a wedding present, Louis decided to give Harry the only place he would ever like to call home: Kellynch. He had settled a deal with Sir Walter to buy it from him, who was more than eager to have more money to spend at his home in Bath.

Their wedding night was spent there, and Louis had a gift waiting for his new husband on the bed. Harry blushed when he saw it was a pair of new lace gloves. They put good use to them that night.

But as Harry lay awake later, Louis curled up around his back snoring lightly into his ear, he took a moment to thank the universe for bringing Louis back to him. And for the first time in almost six years, he slept peacefully.

***

Unfortunately, not along after their wedding, Louis was called away for business for a few weeks at sea, as was Admiral Croft. Harry spent his time refurnishing Kellynch, having Zayn and Liam over at times to keep him company. Niall would visit for a few days as well, missing his brother and their previous home. The Crofts had moved out as soon as Louis told them of his interest in buying the mansion, and instead bought Kellynch Lodge from Lord Corden, who decided he would rather spend his time in Bath. Harry was more than happy to welcome his new sister-in-law whenever she stopped by.

A month passed, and Louis was finally due to return at any moment. Harry wasn’t sure when, but he made sure Kellynch was as beautiful as ever by the time he returned.

It was late at night, and Harry was taking his evening bath when he heard the door open behind the screen.

“Alice?” he called out. “Did you bring those extra salts I asked for?”

“I’m not Alice,” came a familiar voice. “But I hope you still enjoy my presence.”

“Louis!” he gasped with a grin as he saw his husband appear from behind the screen.

“Hello, my love,” he said as he rushed to the edge of the tub, grabbing both of Harry’s cheeks and kissing him fiercely. “I missed you so.”

“I missed you too,” he whispered against his mouth, hungry for more kisses.

“Let’s get you out of there,” Louis said as he reached for a towel. “Thirty-four days without your body near mine is too long to bear. Stand up so I can wrap you in a towel.”

Harry licked his lips. “Well, um-”

“What is wrong, my love?” he frowned as he questioned.

“I have something to tell you,” Harry whispered as he chewed at his bottom lip.

“Something bad?” he continued to frown.

Harry took a deep breath and stood up, water droplets quickly rolling down his body as stood in place. He waited as Louis gazed over his bare body, holding his breath as his eyes stopped at his stomach.

“Oh, Harry,” Louis’ voice wavered as he gently laid both hands around his mid-section, cradling the bump. “A child? You are with child?”

Harry nodded, tears in his eyes. “I had a doctor see me a few days ago,” his voice wavered, “and she said I’ll be due around December. A baby, Lou. We are finally going to have a baby!”

“Finally,” he said as he kissed him. “Finally, my love. I get to enjoy a new chapter with you. Being parents to this lovely child you are growing within you,” he paused for a moment. “We’ll just have to explain to everyone that this wee one is just a tad bit early.”

“They’ll understand,” Harry giggled. He did tell Zayn about his night with Louis that one evening in March, and no doubt he would be able to put two and two together once they announced the pregnancy.

Louis dried him off and carried him to the bed, gently laying him on the soft sheets. “I will say,” Louis said with a kiss to his neck, “I think you look even more beautiful now.”

“Are you saying I’m not beautiful when I’m not expecting our child?” Harry gasped once he felt Louis’ hand grab his hardening cock.

“Of course not,” he whispered against his skin, his lips trailing down his chest until they met the growing bump. “this just adds to your natural beauty.”

And Louis had no problem proving how beautiful Harry was to him long into the night, their moans loud enough to be heard in every part of Kellynch.

***

And that December, on Christmas Day no less, Jane Tomlinson was born. A beautiful baby girl with a few brown curls to her head, big blue eyes looking up at her parents in wonder once she stopped crying. Zayn, Niall, and Liam could barely contain their tears when they first got to hold her.

Sir Walter, with his log book that he brought to Kellynch to attend the birth, dutifully opened to the most recent page after he congratulated the new parents. After dipping his quill in the ink, he wrote in the line after Harry’s: _“Jane Tomlinson, born December 25, 1812 to Harry and Captain Louis Tomlinson.”_

And as they celebrated the New Year later that week, Harry took a moment to thank the universe as he watched Louis cradle their baby girl in his arms, softly singing to her. He was given his second chance at love, and there was no greater pleasure than spending it with his first love. Louis was always meant to be his lifetime.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this far, hope you enjoyed it! Comments and kudos are always appreciated :) You can find the fic post [here.](http://goldbootsandvans.tumblr.com/post/179078941013/our-sweetest-memorial-34k-by)


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